Chanukah: Making Mountains out of Molehills

Countless articles and comments have been made about the Jewish holiday of Chanukah vs. the most widely celebrated X-tian holiday there is. The irony, in the fact that a holiday, which commemorates the victory of the Jewish traditionalists who were able to reclaim the freedom to remain distinct from the Hellenists, has spawned symbols such as blue Santa Claus suits and non-kosher dreidel marshmallows.

{Random musing: How on earth did the color blue get tied to Chanukah anyway?}

Like many other traditional Jews, I shake my head and am saddened by this phenomenon. However, as someone who has actually celebrated X-mas and had at one time felt the contagious feelings of goodwill that surmount during the month of December, I have gotten over feeling hostile about it.

When I was very young (around 3 or so) I had my own record player. One of the best times of the year is when my Grandparents would bring "The X-mas box down". In this box were decorations, heirlooms, and X-mas records. I used to play these records, with carols heralding the divine arrival of JC, and everyone knew that X-mas was not far away.

This was such a magical time; the downtown area would be transformed from winter drab to holiday festive overnight. Some nights we would just drive around the neighborhood in awe of the lengths that some of our neighbors went through to decorate. People would smile, give you candy, the post office even set up a "Letters to Santa" mailbox where you placed your letter and would then get a reply. On the relgious side, X-mas eve service was done in the dark and candlelit. With carols being sung into the cold night air and an atmosphere to solemn, you could just reach out and touch it. Despite being up very late, we always managed to wake up early X-mas morning to open our presents. To be surprised with stuff "you always wanted" and reading tags to see who was gracious enough to contribute to your holiday cheer.

So it may surprise people when I say that I don't miss X-mas at all. True, I have many, many fond memories of it. But was makes X-mas so special is not something that X-tians have exclusive rights on. Songs, gift giving, being cordial to strangers, even some unique approach to worship services are not assur to Jews. But somehow you feel this angst in some Jews. Our Chanukah is somewhat inferior, with its simple menorahs and driedels, to the pomp and circumstance of X-mas. And while these same Jews will never "give in" (or "assimilate"), they don't feel satisfied with what they have.

As an outsider coming in, it is sad to see how some Jews (Orthodox and non) just "go through the motions" with scarcely a smile or a sense of contentment. Instead they kvetch about the latkes not coming out right, or how frightful the weather is, or how bad the traffic is because everyone is holiday shopping. They lament over forgoing the company holiday party and receiving solicitation phone calls from the Salvation Army.

As Jews are a gross minority in America you can understand if it just becomes too much. But there is nothing new under the sun (as it says in Kohelles) and the Jews have been down this road before. Jewish life and holidays should not be compared to their non-Jewish counterparts in any way. Just like a schoolteacher should not compare their job to that of a babysitter; it may at times seem to overlap, but it really does not.

Sure, non-Jews have the "Magical Month of December" where everything is decorated to look visually stunning, and caring and giving run amok. But the Jews should have this year round. Decorate your home with flowers and special diningware for Shabbos, give tzedakah with a smile and kind words, get some creative ways to make each yontif memorable for the young ones. That should be the secret to wading through X-mas Land with your head above it all. Judaism teaches us to radiate this magic all year long.

I'm a Feminist...and I'm Pro-Mechitza

I've noticed that one issue that crops up time and time again in reference to how "backward" liberal Jews view the Orthodox is the מחיצה. It is a hotbed topic on heterogeneous forums like Beliefnet.com and can be evidenced in the responses to this article written by Stephen Greenberg on the subject. You even have 'mixed' feelings from Orthodox Jews as well (as Erica Brown writes about in her article ).

I can only speak for myself, but I can understand the misconceptions and the reasons for the active disdain from women about the mechitza. Not so long ago, I was an active Reform Jew; I opened the ark, removed and held the sefer Torah, got called for aliyot (never did a hagbah though!). I enjoyed those moments; but I was also ignorant of what Judaism was all about.

I will go out on a limb here and say that the Reform shabbos services were an orderly group social event. Sure there are many, many people who recieve some sort of spiritual boast in liberal Judaism. But I remember - sitting there and reading out loud in unison from their siddur...

These are the precepts which merit reward; honoring your father and mother, visiting the sick, respect of the deceased, celebrating with the bride and groom, and the pursuit of Torah is equal to them all.

Really?

Of course we believed what we were saying - but it was rote. We "did our duty" each Shabbat and many congrents would run off to the mall or to go eat lunch at Chili's. There was no "seperation" between Shabbat and any other day; if anything, Shabbat included another "to-do" which was to go to services.

Back to the mechitza; the biggest complaint by far is that women are excluded from Orthodox services. Thinking about it - that statement is true. Woman have no requirement to daven with a minyan, so the service is not really for them. Whoa - draw and pull up (wait a minute in non-patios English)! This is coming from...a proclaimed feminist?

I'll get to the feminist point in a bit. But lets talk football (I'm a big Steelers fan, just to warn you); I like football. In football, as in most sports, each player has his role. The actualy contest is between those 9-12 guys on the tarmarc, not the coaches, the 50 players standing on the sidelines, trainers, and 50,000 fans in the stadium. But tell them that. When the the wide reciever runs in a 30 yrd touchdown, he is the only one doing the action, but believe you me, the whole team, most of the stadium, and even the thousands (millions if it's the Super Bowl) at home watching on TV feel it too. My goodness; you have some people who remember exactly where they were when Franco Harris made his "immaculate reception" more than 25 years ago - just like they did it themselves.

Now if only we can conjure up the same emotions towards our service to Hashem!

This being said, I curiously don't see women getting offended, even the die-hard football fan women, at the notion that women cannot "participate" fully in the NFL. I don't see criticism directed towards the NFL that they are excluding women and treating them like second-class citizens because there are no women on the rosters of any team. Oh, but wait! No one is giving the NFL a hard time because everyone knows that women are not physically able to play football on a professional level. Nevermind the 6'3", 240 lb Swedish woman that plays basketball who may be able to cut it; we still need to keep the women regulated to their own sports because of their physical differences.

So physical differences can be recognized, but spiritual ones cannot?

....

The 1st time I went to an Orthodox service - it was a Sephardic minyan in a hotel on Miami Beach. I had only a vague idea of the structure of an Orthodox service. The mechitza there was a simple wooden divider with a crosshatch design; that probably would not have be kosher if it were not for the fake flowers and vines they weaved throughout it. It was beautiful. And just like anyone else who stumbled upon traditional Jewish services late in the game, I was thoroughly lost! And although some men who have 'been there, done that' may be jealous of hearing me say this, but that mechitza made that particular Friday night bearable. I did not have to worry about stares or 'being off'. I could just drink the atmosphere in, and join in on the tefillos I knew. The couple other women there were not a threat because they two would daven a bit and then go 'off tangent'. Now it sounds as if the women are copping out. That we just want to socialize. Here's where the feminism comes in.

Feminism by definition is a focus on equality for the sexes on a social, economic and political level. Ah-ha (virtual light bulb by head goes off), if liberal Judaism is focused on the social aspects of being a Jew and that's the main sha-bang; then of course feminism in it's classical definition becomes an issue. As much as the leaders of liberal Judaism trumpet otherwise, the Torah is not central to their movements; so what you are left with is a group of Jews who try to maintain a social structure of some sorts...not a religious one.

I am not undermining non-Orthodox Jews. It is very hard to walk into a display of Torah-observant life and just 'get it'. It takes extra effort to scratch beneath the surface; to work through the grime until you see the glimmering gold shine through.

Leaving Judaism alone for a bit; I have my own profound experience with feminism and it's relevance in our day and age. I went to college for Electronics Technology and got certified in Aviation Electronic Systems. So, um, yeah...it was a male dominated field by far! I mean no one scoffed at my choices; after all I grew up in the 1980s when Barbie had that "We Girls, Can Do Anything...Right Barbie?" diddy and you had women like Judith Resnick and Sharon McAuliffe who where flying into space, you had politicians like Madeleine Albright, and actresses like Linda Hamilton who were annihilating killing machines from the future. It had been 60 years since Amelia Earhart strutted her stuff so feminism was well on it's way...

Instead I realized something quite late in game. I realized that a woman can do whatever job she wishes as long as she is willing to compromise. Of course that goes for men too; but for most jobs, men do not have to compromise on their masculinity - unless they are working as drag queens. Women in 'non-traditional' careers however must compromise a bit on their feminity. There are exceptions, and there are women who go against this trend, like in just about everything. In my case, it was "the little things" but they bothered me nonetheless. Things such as fibbing about my periodic runs to the restroom because I was on my period, or apologizing for asking for help in lifting something, and even growing callous to the 'cat-calls' my peers threw out to female passer-bys (not to mention the derogatory comments made towards the "fairer gender" in general).

I have the utmost respect for women who have beat the odds and have achieved success in male-dominated professions. But me myself I did not have have the talent to be able to switch my mindset back and forth. But for the women who can and choose to go out there; there is no reason why they should not be compensated, celebrated, and supported as much as their male counterparts.

To me, that is what feminism is all about; and it is not contrary to the accepted definition of feminism either.

So these are my feelings; I have crawled up in aircraft cowlings alongside men and I have davened on the women's side of the mechitza. In both situations, the culmination of the experience was dependent on my mindset at the time and nothing more. Hashem is everywhere; if I daven at the Kotel or if I daven on the beach in Key West, he hears me. Service to G-d does not only come from reading from the bima or leading the Amidah. It comes from preparing kosher food for your children; it comes from making sure to acknowledge the sexuality of the female physique by keeping covered what should only be seen by your husband; it comes from saying tehillim for the sick and elderly.

The Creator of all knows us so much better than we know ourselves.

The Rasta and The Jew

Why?

In a previous post, I mentioned that Torah-observant doesn't seem so strange from where I came from; however I was referring to home and ways of my maternal Grandmother. Truth be told, there was a bit of 'preparation' from my Father's side as well - as in he himself is a Rastafarian. Although he's more of the universalist than fundamentalist Rastafarian (I'll differentiate between the two later), I grew up on familiar terms with what Rastafarianism is all about.

In the past, I gotten into conversations with both Jews and non-Jews upon the similarities between the two; to the point where I feel Rastafarianism is closer to Judaism than Christianity is. Nonetheless, the two are still different. Bob Marley (as much as some Jews would like to think) is not an "honary Jew", just because he didn't eat pork and wrote a song about the Exodus. (I'm always humored by the attempt of liberal Jews to find remote tribes somewhere and see that they keep some rudimentary aspect of kashrus, or pray with headcoverings, or believe in on G-d - and then "boom!" try to go out and prove their Jewishness. Nevermind the fact that they know nothing about the Torah - the very thing that makes a Jew a Jew. Even a non-observant Jew by birth who can prove his lineage "loses" many privledges allotted to the Jewish Nation because he is forsaking his side of the covenant. Of course, by secular/liberal Jewish standards, just about anyone can become a Jew as long as they have an "affinity" for Jews and Judaism. However, I'm getting off topic here, so I'll stop!) I don't feel as if I should get any "brownie points" just because of my background. There is only a small population of people who fall in the grey area of "Who Is A Jew", and I am definitely not one of them.

Jews in Jamaica

Like many Caribbean islands, Jamaica, in the 16th to 19th centuries, was a place to escape all of the Jewish persecution in Europe. Not that life in the Caribbean was the picturesque Sandals resort type life people would associate with the Caribbean today, no way! The Jews were regulated as merchants and middle people. Some Jews grew to be quite wealthy (more so than their American counterparts); but because the islands in the Caribbean were constantly changing rule (Jamaica has had 5 foreign flags flown over it) life was precarious and wealth could be revoked overnight - depending on the ruling country's "policy" on Jews.

In the 19th century, the Jewish population peaked at around 2,000. Most of the Jews were of Portuguese origin; although later on (in the 19th century) you had a small population of Syrian Jews (this page, this page, and this page are great resources on Jamaican Jews). After Jamaica became independent from Britain (in the 1960s), the country fell into an economic downspiral and many Jewish (and non-Jewish) professionals relocated to the UK, Canada or the US. Today the Jewish community is around 300; those are people who identify as Jews (many may or may not be halachically Jewish). The synagogue is open, but without a Rabbi and the Hillel school has a population of mainly non-Jewish students.

Today when you walk around Jamaica, you may see a lot of Magen Davids or even חי's around, but you would be hard pressed to find any Jews. But like the Indians and Spanish, the Jews have influenced the Jamaican populace in unquantifiable ways.

Rastafarians

I've read books on Rastafarianism and any sort of history really does not do the movement justice; so I'm going to ad-lib a bit (all through my personal knowledge and experience - and what is known as fact). The Rastafarian faith began in the 1920's as a response of the teachings of Marcus Garvey, O.D.; although Mr. Garvey himself never advocated to start a new religion. The icing on the cake was the crowning of Emperor Haile Selassie as ruler of Ethiopia; the last in a line of monarchs who claimed descent from King Solomon (via the Queen of Sheba). The Emperor himself was a member of the Ethiopian Coptic (Christian) Church. His name before coronation was Ras Tafari.

The concepts where there, but they needed to be plugged into something larger. Hence how Rastafarianism became "improvised Judaism". The Rasta founders could have borrowed off of the X-tian church a bit more; but being that they saw the Church as an aid to colonial oppression, that wasn't going to happen. Islam had no presence on the island so the ghost influence of Judaism, infused with the idealism from Garvey and sprinkled with African folkways gives birth to the Rastafarian mantra.

The fundamentalist Rastafarians a number of things:

1) That Haile Selassie is the moshiach/world's redeamer/Jesus X re-incarnate;
2) That marijuana first sprouted on the grave of King Solomon (although smoking it is not mandatory, they feel it aids in Bible study);
3) You are what you eat - they have an "I-tal" diet that needs to be adhered to which is far more strict than keeping kosher (i.e. no processed food - period, no salt, vegetarianism is the ideal...);
4) They take the Nazarite vow which, if you know your chumash well, includes not drinking alcohol or cutting your hair (enter in to center stage, "dreadlocks");
5) Ethiopia is Zion.
6) Women who are menstruating should not be touched.

You have sects within Rastafarianism but it's just a matter of "pick your leader/affiliation". Some minor differences but nothing of note.

Universalist Rastafarians are just about every non-Black and many non-Jamaican Rastafarians I've seen. We're talking about of the Big Mountain strain. Universalists pick and choose. To a big extent, Bob Marley was of this camp just because he became disenchanted with the dogmatic aspects of it all and did not throw out the 'Black Power' aspect of classical Rastafarianism (he said that since he himself was part White, how could he?). It is also hard to push over the masses that an Ethiopian monarch is G-d reincarnate.

Reggae

Thanks to Mr. Marley, the world ties together reggae with Rastafarianism. Although many prominent reggae artists are/have been Rastafarian, reggae developed much later and in it's early years, was suspiciously void of Rastafarian references (even if the singers were Rastas themselves). But you had plenty of non-Rasta reggae songs which drew from the Bible; like Desmond Dekker's Israelites and Rivers of Babylon by the Melodians. However, songs of a Christian aspect were curiously missing.

Reggae is a topic that has not dearth of information out their on it; however, I'll point out one thing (and I'm not just saying this because I like the music), reggae was "invented" less than 40 years ago - and in a country that has a population of 2.5 million people (London and New York have populations of 7 million and 8 million respectively). On top of that, you can count on one hand the number of truly successful reggae musicians. Keep this in mind (for later).

The Link?

Getting back to me; growing up I had to "deal with" my father who opted to switch out his elevated status ('elevated' being relative to the race/class norms of 1960s Jamaica where if you were of mixed race instead of fully Black, you were a little better off) to grow long dreadlocks, a beard, and hang the Ethiopian flag on his car. Similar to the reaction of many secular Jewish families when they see their "dear Michael" don the black hat and grow peyes. In fact, a Lubavitcher friend of mine saw a picture of my Father and asked if 'he converted'; she never saw a non-Jewish man with the beard and long strands of hair on the side (my Father's hair grows too straight by the ears to mesh with the drealocks elsewhere). In the 1980s, I knew my father dealt with the job discrimination, stares, and misconceptions the people had about Rastas; just like today I have to deal with the stares and misconceptions (B'H, I've been blessed to have understanding employers so far) that people have about Jews.

Another, not so obvious lesson I learned in being around Rastafarians growing up is that you can't judge a book by it's cover. I've seen 'Rastas' who were doctors; who were pot-smoking musicians; who were cocaine dealing gangsters; who owned health-spas and meditated everyday. As a newcomer to Judaism, I see all of these "different" Jews - Yeshivish, Chassidish, Mizrachi, blonde, Black - and my naivete acts as an aid to really get to know these people in spite of the label. This I learned from witnessing people mis-judge someone time and time and solely on a hairstyle.

What's Going On?

Looking at the big picture, I'm in awe of just how חירבונו של עולם runs things. Take the insignificant island of Jamaica and this strange faith of "Rastafarianism". Even if it is way off base - millions have found some affinity of it. Remember that Rastafarianism has no leader, and the vast majority of "Rastas" pick and choose and are not into dogma, but are into being spiritual. The hang around and sing "One Love" and get high and try to broaden their horizions. It's great; these are non-Jews who would not go near a church or any form of organized religion - yet their "Rasta hippie cult" keeps them in line with the 7 Noahide Laws. And what about the Jews who are among them? Well I know of 3 Jews who were "re-awakened" to their Judaism by reggae. Then you have folks like Matisyahu who are using reggae as a means to 'reach out' to secular Jews. Afro-Caribbean music as a tool to rope in Am Yisrael; this scenario couldn't be made up!

With working knowledge of both Judaism and Rastafarianism it is plain to see that you do not need to be a Jew to be a good person or even believe in the Creator. I also can see that while the Jews may be "chosen" they are still humans. And they are not the only humans who have experienced plight or have been aided and blessed by Hashem. It is also plain to see that Judaism's influence of 'ethical monotheism' didn't end yet, but still goes on; in my case it went a little too far, but I'm boundlessly thankful for that!

Walking The Fine Line

Wow. So many times, I've come up with an issue I've wanted to write (type?) about on here; but my job has been keeping me so busy - B'H - I always get pulled into something else.

Since March of 2005 I've pretty much tried my best to change my lifestyle. The external stuff was the easiest (well almost; taking out my dreadlocks was 2 months of hard work!). But I choose to ignore the things I just was not ready to tackle. Mainly, the friendships and social events I had before becoming 'religious'.

Now I should also say that I probably have it a lot easier than other people who choose to become Orthodox Jews. My family has put their love for me above difference of religion. And I've only lived in South Florida for 3 years. Those I know of here before I started on this path I've only known for that short period. Others have had to go through losing lifetime friends in the on the road to Torah observance.

The strangest situation for me by far is the one I have with members of my old [liberal] Jewish congregation. Although I had a bit of an awkward relationship with the Rabbi, the congregants there really welcomed me warmly. However, I they also put their heart and soul into that congregation because it's young and they are trying to establish themselves. One of the members admitted that he sometimes goes to the Chabad House to daven (since that congregation does not have Friday night services). He said that he mentioned it once at a kiddush and got the disdainful reaction that only reads, "you pray with those crazy people". In my case, even with my haphazard means of keeping kosher, not shopping on Shabbat, or wearing pants to shul I felt I was standing alone for doing "extra stuff" and had to endure the hollow compliment of, "My oh my, you're more Jewish than I am!". I can only imagine if they knew I "went Orthodox".

About 2 weeks ago I found out that a member of the sisterhood at that congregation that I had been quite active in for the duration of my membership passed away. She died while I was in New Jersey, so it was not really an issue of me going to the funeral services or not. The only way I found out is because there is one woman (another Black woman who is a sisterhood officer) that I still keep in contact with. When she told me, there was a tone of sadness in my response. Partly because this nice, friendly Grandmother had passed on and partly because I felt I had abandoned ship in the wrong way. Perhaps it's not right, but even if I was in Florida I honestly think I would not be able to bring myself to attend services for her. To show up and have to deal with the questions...

Oh, and the woman I keep in contact with also questions me. But I have gotten very deft at dealing with most of them. In fact, my move assisted me on that front too because even for a devoted shul member, driving from North Miami Beach to downtown Ft. Lauderdale for Shabbos services is a bit much. You pass at least 8 Reform shuls alone! But the questions about my current shul/community is a bit tougher. I also feel as if I left a strage picture of converts behind me. That converts are whimsical and go through these "stages". Sometimes I want to write them a letter and say, "No, just the opposite is true! I left so that I could grow! I am no longer around because I have experienced authentic Judaism and I love it!". But I doubt my ability to write such a letter saying such without offending someone deeply.

The other aspect of my life is perhaps a shadier one. I may have been a 'Reform Jew' for years but I was far from religious. Back in Pittsburgh I was deep into the world of indie/punk/hardcore music as well as the youth subcultures that revolved around that scene. That did not change when I moved to Florida. Some of my first friends were "punks" and "skinheads" (please refer to this page for clarification of what a skinhead really is; I'm not going to elaborate here, but "skinhead" is not synomous with "Neo-Nazi, racist person"). I noticed that in South Florida, there really was not a lot of diversity to be found - so I stayed away from groups. But I did pull out a couple of close friends; all of them male.

The law of shallow friendships, which are based on externalities such as what music you listen to, or how you dress, weeded out all of the friendships except for two good ones and a handful where we are still are speaking terms. One in particular, I was very frank with. He's in a [good] punk/oi! band that performs only about 1 a month or so because the band members are older and they work. Although I usually cannot attend because they are on Shabbos, he calls to let me know anyway. About 5 weeks ago, I was able to attend a Thursday night show. It felt good to see them play, and I still find punk music pretty enjoyable (the profanity, just like most of the other lyrics, can hardly be heard through the wailing guitars and pounding drums); but on the other hand I felt very 'alone'. Around me I saw the girls flirting with guys, the crazy alcohol-fueled dance-antics, and the abandon of living for the moment. Stuff that I cannot bring myself to do, but I still remember what it feels like. Not that I want to go back. I will take a chumash shiur any day over drunken kisses with a guy I hardly know. But all of that did give you a 'rush'; it made you laugh; although it was all very fleeting and gave you a false sense of acceptance. I felt like a ghost; like the dead watching the living. I work every day, very hard, on trying to bond with others in the frum Jewish community. In the bars, you drink 2 Guinesses with the person next to you and you're old pals.

That night I went home alone. My friends, although glad to see me, went home with either their significant others for the moment or someone they had 'picked' up. They respect that I have changed; to the point where they don't even ask. Not that I would accept an invitation to go and hang out at someone's house to have a beer (or two, or three...) but just to decline it - would feel good. It would feel like I still existed.

I changed out of my clothes and on my couch and just cried. I felt like the most alone person on planet Earth. However, 15 minutes later when I went to read קריאת שמע על המטה , I felt immensely better.

I don't know what this says 'about me'. Although I'm sure that it was not exactly what I should have been doing by being at that show; but perhaps it was needed (it feels that way). Is this right? Is it normal? To me the scenario seems like that of a drug addict; you do well for a little bit, you slip up and smoke/snort/shoot your drug of choice, you feel terrible, you rebound, you feel much better. I really don't like to compare my former life to that of someone in rehab, but you can't ignore the simliarities.

Inside, I know (and don't question) what I feel. I feel peace and comfort in Judaism. The Torah is the most precious gift handed down to humans. Truth and knowledge pour out the more you dig in. So why is it still not enough that we (converts or baalei teshuvah) move on without ever looking back? Or am I projecting here? Am I any better than the wife of Lot when I don't put all faith in Hashem and don't look towards the Sodom and Gemorrah she was blessed to escape from?

Currently, I don't have a nice resolution to this issue. With each day that passes and another cycle of tefillot are said, I hope that I am creeping towards becoming a little stronger in my personal dedication to Yiddishkeit.

Jewish Matriarchs

This Shabbos is parshas Vayetzei. This link on Aish HaTorah's website discusses the dynamic between Rachel and Leah (which I won't try to paraphase or discuss here!). Now this is a story I've been familiar with since I was a little girl. And I remember being able to relate to Leah. The poor girl was 'overlooked' and left for her fairer sister Rachel. Ok, ok, so now I know that Leah was not exactly a straight-shooter; turns out she had a few character traits inherited from Laban it seems.

Genes, lines, families. I wonder, if Leah had this "blemish" on her character, why did Hashem find it suiting to give Leah most of Jacob's children? True the 'redemptive' line is brought down through Rachel, but why should the tainted outweigh the bad? This is of course conclusions based on the idea that intangible traits like attitude, intelligence and character are influenced by your forefathers (and foremothers).

Since I'm a woman, I'm going to be biased and look at the women in my own family. Hmmm...ok, so my Mother and I are like night and day. Physically, we look alike; personality-wise, we may as well be from two different planets. Moving up the line - to the Grandmothers; my Father's mother had a lot more courage than I have. She was also willing to put her own wishes aside to cater to every need of her children. I don't know if I can compare her and I because I don't have children and her's were so central to her existence. My Mother's mother is like a living doll; too delicate to be real. She is the type of woman who does things such as tapping you one the shoulder and saying "Hey, I love you!" and praying over you before you do - well anything. Things that you to embarrass me immensely when I was younger. She gives me a great example to shoot for; but we don't have much in common either. Going up even further (staying on my Mother's side because that is all I know); both Great-grandmothers were very strong, religious women with forceful conviction in their faith. Active no only in their respective churches but also known nationally as achiever's in the C.O.G.I.C. (Church of G-d in __ ) movement. I am descended from such women?

This Shabbos, hundreds of thousands of Jews will sing אשת חיל to the woman of the household. A Jewish woman who is the cornerstone to the continuation of the Jewish people. But in each stanza of that zemirah, I can see at least one of my own, non-Jewish matriarchs. What a surprise - Shlomo HaMelech sees what I see (or perhaps it should be the other way around)! As a potential convert, many people ask me how I can "change" so much? Don't I feel "strange" doing all of these things. Truth be told - I feel more as if I am coming full circle than anything else. Tznius? My Grandmother who raised me never wore slacks a day in her life - she sees the value in modest dress, that's for sure. Kashrus? My Father's mother had to deal with raising two vegetarian sons in the 70's - back in the days when there was no Whole Foods Market in every shopping center. Hair covering? Black women with their hats in church is a subject that books have been written about.

Of course the differences are great; but the life of a Torah-observant woman feels much less strange to me than the life of a woman in a mini-skirt and heels in the clubs on the beach.

Jewish women, no matter how they secular world may try to corner them off and say, "Look, she's so oppressed! She's not seen as equal in the eyes of the Torah!" are not phased or detracted from what they are. They know their essence is their neshamot. I remember that as a young child, I did not daydream about "girlie" stuff like getting married or having children. I was not opposed to the idea either (I understood that women should feel pride in playing "the mommy role"), but it was not central to my future. I wanted to "do stuff" and "be somebody". The older I became, the more pressing this idea was on my mind. But was I not already "somebody". I was at that point (17, 18 years old) what Hashem wanted me to be. But in my eyes it meant nothing. Perhaps deep down it did; but society was saying, "Hey, you need a title; you need some accomplishments; you need a trip to the salon and a personal trainer!". Just so that you can be - what? So I can complete myself? So tell me, when will I be complete?

Last night I took a walk from my office to Pita Loca; which takes me through about 8 blocks of South Beach; the essence of trendy materialism in it's highest style. I saw a young woman who was trying on a dress in a boutique. Although she wasn't looking for the attention - just trying to model in front of the mirrors to see if she wanted to spend the oodles of money on the outfit, a couple tourists started playing amateur photo shoot and she had a bit of a crowd. I cannot say that I know what it feels like, but if I was in that position I would feel dehumanized. Here are people who don't even know my name - who haven't even heard my voice - yet they want to get close to me and take my picture. Then they will take that picture and do what with it? What will they say about me upon showing it to whoever? It probably won't be bad, but it will surely be about my appearance. The essence of me - my soul - will be constantly overlooked and glossed over.

I found myself thinking about if I ever had a daughter what would I say so that she is never in such a position? Through dejection, disappointment, and heartache I learned that those attracted to you on superficial aspects such as appearance have a very tough time getting an accurate idea of the person you are. On the other hand, personal pride in healthy doses does manifest itself in good hygiene, keeping your body in shape, and having a stylish appearance - much like the models on this site.

I mentioned that my own Mother and I are very different; however I don't think that words can give proper justice to the comparison between us. Sure, we look a lot alike - to the extent that some people have mixed us up with each other. However the personality of the woman who gave birth to me was not passed on. She did not live with me; she had little if any effect on my daily environment as a child.

I have 4 younger sisters; one who's name is Rachel as well. She on the other hand looks nothing like her mother; to the point where some people (even she) have voiced surprise over my sister's appearance. Because Rachel is very young, it's hard to see which parent her "spirit" follows; maybe neither.

I made a huge detour trying to get to the question - Is the Jewish soul passed through heredity or environment? I mentioned how in אשת חיל I find familiarity. But in relation to the environment I was raised in, and not necessarily the woman who is my immediate predecessor. Could this be the hidden secret of the importance of the Jewish woman? The tribal affiliation (i.e. - "name") is passed on through the father but the Jewish home itself, the בית הקדש is maintained by the women.

A convert in Judaism 'loses' the familial ties to their natural cases simply because they become a Jew, while the family remains non-Jews - which prohibits them from specific Jewish ritual and services. But my family has helped cultivate me. Hashem created the seed, and put into impetus the growth but they are the ones who watered me, threw in some fertilizer, and pruned me every now and then.

Perhaps it does not matter so much the characteristics of the Jewish matriarchs - or patriarchs for that matter. Jews do not have "magic genes" that make them better people than gentiles. But they do know the secret; or more specifically, Jewish women know the secret, of how to transfer "character" to the next generation. What an awesome responsibility; what a priviledge to be endowed with such a task!

Intelligence of (and from) the Creator

Last Thursday, I attended a lecture given by Dr. Gerald Schroeder and it was a good use of $10 for sure! Dr. Schroeder presented a clear-cut connection between the Torah's account of 'the beginning' and what scientists can verify and agree upon. He also discussed the flaws of the evolution theory and the method of education of science and it's deliberate omission of the suggestion of any metaphysical (divine') influence. So much to the point that they would perpetuate myths (such as evolution) instead to rule out the notion of there being a Supreme Being.

Now, me personally I have never doubted the existence of a Creator. I also (with the exception of 3 years of elementary school) always attended secular schools and universities. To be honest, I don't remember any distinct teachings that totally debunked the idea of a Higher Power. On the other hand, I studied mainly chemistry and physics and not biology or astronomy; those sciences are very grounded on what you can see and observe (at least on the level I was on). So I will be the first to admit that I am not very knowledgeable able the 'classical approach' to the instruction of these subjects.

On Friday night, I had the pleasure of having Shabbos dinner with Rebbetzin Toby Katz of Cross Currents fame and she offered some very interesting perspectives. She said that as Jews we have different approaches to coming to terms with science. There are some Jews who wholly accept the classical teaching of science 6 days a week. They are able to compartmentalize what secular science teaches us to believe and what the Torah teaches about the world around us. On the other extreme, you have Jews who believe that this 'secular science' with it's faulty logic should just not be taught.

Another one of the guests at the Katz's table inquired why scientists like Schroeder even struggle to validate the Torah scientifically. Having pursued technical subjects at the post-secondary level, I can understand Dr. Schroeder's goals. Scientists like to have something to work with; they are not philosophers. They see a resultant and want a formula and method that will adhere the confines of that resultant. For a Torah-observant Jew, the Torah has provided the skeleton framework for all that we know of as a part of our physical world. On the other hand, they can not discredit the scientific method, so the use it to show the validity of the Torah. But getting back to the guest's original question; a minority thinker in the scientific world never has an easy time. Plus the goal of many scientists is to use nature as a model to learn from; and [in their minds] once science has been perfected, they will be able to re-create or even surpass that which is readily found in nature. These sort of scientists have no room for G-d in their minds. To admit to the existence of G-d is an admission of sorts that they will never be able to attain their goals because we do not possess the infinite intelligence that G-d possess.

This makes me think of a phenomena I found out about while in New Jersey - from TV. There was a program on about chimerism. Today this is an accepted (although not widely known) aspect of DNA research and testing, however when the problem first emerged scientist had a hard time accepting it. A little bit of background to the program: two women had routine DNA testing performed between them and their children and with one woman 2 of her 3 children failed a paternity correlation between them, and the other had all 3 of her children fail. Which means, according to the DNA test (which is considered to be 'reliable'), these mothers we not the mother's of their own children!

Now here I am, pretty unlearned in biology/genetics - and my 1st thought would be that the DNA test itself is not so foolproof. In the case of these women, no one questioned the tests - but they in fact questioned them! We're talking about accusations of surrogate motherhood, baby swapping, and various other means of fraud. So much in fact, that when one of the women were expecting, they had a court appointed witness (she was involved in a civil case at the time) in the room when she delivered to verify the baby was hers. This is to the extent that we put blind, unwavering faith in science; we forcefully believe that we have it all 'figured out' and all anolmalies have a simple explanation.

In a few years, the realized there was not such simple explanation for these women. After many tests, it was found that these women had two different DNA patterns present in their bodies. The hypothosis is that they are actually a fusion of two people; meaning their natural children are a combination of the minority DNA (in the case of the children who failed the paternity test) and the father. This blew the mind of scientists; but why? To me, it seems perfectly logical. Just like science cannot explain why this sister is 8 inches shorter than the other, science can not expect to know all of the variables and occurances that go on at conception to make us into who we are today. Of course, the implications of such findings are much more severe. If you have a chimara who is a criminal out there murdering people, there is a chance that the hair they leave on the crime scene will not have the same DNA pattern as the blood sample given. Then you have others being convicted on the basis of a science that is not throughly understood...

And then from a statistical standpoint, what percentage of the modern populace has had a DNA test? And of that portion, have there also been tests performed among that sample's family to see all the possible links and/or expose the faulty logic?

Yet the modern, 'progressive' mind takes science to heart; even when it's obviously far from infallible. Yet the modern mind can't come to terms with the acceptance of Torah. Why?

I am thankful to Hakadosh Baruch Hu for the priviledge to be shown so much in the last year or so. Not nearly so much for the answers given to the 'tough questions' of existence, but a means to accept the sovereignity of a Higher Power and the pleasure to enjoy his creation.