My "Miseducation"?

Well the other day, I received an email from Aish HaTorah that contained the graphic above. Now that I am 30, I am too old for many of the programs that Aish HaTorah offers anyway -- but it is still nice to look. My introduction to Torah obeservant Judaism was essentially via Aish HaTorah. And I know that Aish HaTorah is essentially a haredi organization. However Rabbi Noah Weinberg, zt'l, was an incredible visionary; and has been a positive influence on so many Jews -- bringing Orthodox Judaism to the table of many of us who would have never given it a chance to begin with (myself included). However Aish HaTorah shows you that you can be a working professional, without a yeshiva education, and/or have serious questions about Judaism and still make the move to become frum.

So I guess the above program sort of surprised/disappointed me. I am currently working on my MBA; but the program clearly states that it is for men. I did not save the other portions of the email, but there was a "Fabulously Feminine" program advertised right below this one. You get a tour of NYC and you get to go....well, shopping. The target age group for the [men's] MBA program is 22-28; for the women's program is 18-25. Ok. So what about those Jewish young women who are in or out of college....majoring in engineering, business or perhaps pre-law? I am sure they would appreciate a professional program for females....and not simply a themed shopping trip.

Let me back up, and say that this is not a criticism of Aish HaTorah, chas v'shalom. But it is a frank examination of the methods of kiruv. I personally know of a few Jews who where not brought up frum and went to secular college. They made a very quick, and pretty seamless jump right into Yiddishkeit during their early to mid-twenties and B"H, and fitting in their respective communities well. But there is the question of those who either have not made that jump so completely, so seamlessly -- or those whose time of becoming frum happens later, during the late 20s or early 30s. This situation is especially problematic for women.

Jewish women who are not religious tend to be pretty passionate....about something; usually it is their career. So how do you even approach such women, with the scenario of the Torah-observant lifestyle? The usual method is to bring the prospective Jew into a frum home, so they can see the positive influence of Torah and how it can enrich the family/Jewish home life. A young professional Jewish man may feel very encouraged by this glimpse at a more stable home environment than the alternate has to offer. But a professional woman may see this as a disregard of her many years of work and dreams of being a working professional.

What was told to me, and it is very true, is that plenty of Orthodox Jewish women are working professionals. However a good number of these professional Orthodox women still married relatively young ("young" by secular standards). The few who are single may humbly admit that they would give up the career for a marriage and family any day. For a woman who was born frum, this is a cultural nuance that they have been familiar with for many years. Also, there tends to be a narrow range of professions among these frum working professional women. Many therapists and psychologists. A doctor or an attorney here or there. Many education professionals. Some computer professionals. However frum women in male dominated careers are not so common. This includes the positions for MBAs, engineers, or skilled labor positions. So what does a young Jewish women who has a Master's in Sports Management feel when faced with the usual paths towards becoming frum? With a potential baalat teshuvah or gioyeres, this may come as a big culture shock; perhaps too big.

I do not have a solution; only a personal wish -- which is simply for kiruv organizations to make more of an effort to work with the true lives of young Jewish adults; women especially -- and not tailor programs on such limited terms. In my case, I am spending tens of thousands of dollars on working on getting my MBA. I think this is worthwhile; I wish that there were Orthodox Jewish organizations who were supportive of this cause (I have yet to find a network of frum Jewish women MBAs). Being a working professional woman in the business world is not in and of itself at odds with Torah observance. My priorities are always first and foremost my Jewish home (oh the jobs I have turned down because I knew I couldn't get off Shabbos & Yontif...B"H, I have a great job in terms of time flexibiity). So please, acknowledge that women like myself are just as welcome within Orthodox Judaism. Without this effort to accomodate, I don't think most secular Jewish women will feel the compulsion to make 'the leap'.

Back to Basics

This past Shabbos, I went to Pittsburgh -- for what I think was my first Shabbos there. It was nice...the weather was great. The family I stayed by was Lubavitch, and it was interesting to note the differences in minhagim; small...but interesting. Apparently they have benchers in nusach Ari (I never know that) and hold differently about the obligation in shalosh suedas.

I went to services at Poale Zedeck on my own. The Lubavitch Center would have been too far of a walk; besides, PZ davened in a format I was used to. It was my first time in PZ and it reminded me of how a shul would be in Europe. Not that I've ever been to Europe. Also I don't know exactly what gave it that feel. The ezrat nashim was in a balcony; I had been in plenty of those before. However the main sanctuary itself was also on the second floor, so you had this sensation that you were in a tower. Needless to say, I would not have been able to manage if I still had my cane or walker!

They had a visiting Rabbi who spoke who is a candidate to be the new rabbi of PZ. To my surprise, there were a few people there that I knew, and they told me that this was their third candidate. They also remarked (when I say "they" I mean women...so I do not know if they will be able to vote or not) that they aren't sure who will be selected. Apparently the shul has changed a bit since the last rabbi came through. Although they are still Modern Orthodox there has been a "shift to the right" among the congregation. Now that is something I have not heard to much of since I left FL! I don't even know what "Modern Orthodox" even means any more. Hashkafically I do, but when someone says they are Modern Orthodox, I find that it just leaves the door wide open really.

I am still studying halachos brachos. It's much more intense and involved than I anticipated; like by 250%. I may just print out the entire Aish HaTorah Pathways course on the subject and use that as my "cliff notes".

Does "Chosen" = "Superior"?

In the Jewish Week, there is an article entitled, "The Heretical Notion of 'Jewish Superiority'". I felt that the article successfully presents the proper attitude that Jews should possess regarding the non-Jewish people they live amongst. Unfortunately, if this were not a widely believed myth, I guess there would be no need to write about it. The question arises then, why does this "myth" continue to be perpetuated in the frum community?

My first "real life" exposure to Torah observant Judaism was through the kiruv community (Aish HaTorah and rabbonim from Ohr Somayach namely). A big draw to kiruv is telling non-frum Jews that they are "special" and "unique" and poised and ready to be designated for a higher level of living. This nurtures the necessary "warm & fuzzy" feelings that are needed to rope in these people and bring them back to Torah observance; so in that aspect it's good. However, what is the response when a non-Jew starts to express interest in Judaism? "Oh, well, Judaism doesn't seek converts. You were born a certain way for a reason; you are just fine the way you are". The first part of the aforementioned statement is true; but what about the rest of it? Imagine being a non-Jew hearing this, and while you can get all sorts of logical (and illogical) explanations about why you are what you are -- I think it is rare that the non-Jew interprets this information without thinking, "Wow, I am just not on the same level as a born Jew". This is pretty comparable to a blind person feeling that they are less than a human because they cannot see. But it is not completely equivalent since blindness is an indisputable physical handicap while being a non-Jew is a debatable spiritual handicap.

I personally get a bit bothered when people say I have a "Jewish neshama". Actually, I feel that my soul is just mine. Like Rabbi Ben-Chaim said, becoming a Jew is not some sort of "improvement" over the old me. It's more of an honored designation; like becoming a doctor. Maybe I have the wrong mindset, but I see the process of becoming a Jew as something that is done; actions by myself and by the Jewish community. Therefore, I don't question Hashem as to why he saw that it was necessary for me to be born as a gentile (although I do struggle with all the difficulties I encounter while "walking my path"). Being a Jew is not really a state of "being" at all in my opinion. If that were the case, I would never be able to become a "true Jew" outside of some sort of miraculous divine designation along the lines of what happened at Har Sinai. Maybe this is why Jews have such a hard time digesting converts? You can act "like" us, but you can never change the fact that you were not born like us.

So returning back to the kiruv thing; yes, there is a dire need to help non-religious Jews recognize the truth present in Torah and the peace present in living a life directed by it. However these non-religious Jews should also understand that they are no better than a gentile who underwent a halachaic conversion or a Jew who eats in the Red Lobster once per week. The difference is in how we connect and relate to Hashem and how we believe our time on this planet will be maximized. For born Jews, there is the added fact that they are responsible for carrying out the mesorah of their ancestors (someone in their family probably remained a Jew at the peril of their lives, yet they have no desire to embrace an observant Jewish life!). But it all boils down to the performance of the mitzvot; and non-religious Jews "enjoy" the status of being a Jew because some of their ancestors took on the mitzvot. If they themselves choose to eschew the mitzvot, then they relinquish their claim to Jewishness (which may not be technically true for them, but will very likely be for their descendants who will be very unlikely to be Jews in any sense anyway).

I am not a social psychologist, but my guess is that minority religious communities hold on to superiority notions as a "security blanket" to help keep people in the fold. If the Jews are "chosen" by Hashem, what does this "choseness" impart? Although the Torah points out quite clearly that being "chosen" means to be involved in a covenant...so a spiritual relationship with Hashem. However, this has morphed into modern times as a "look at the Incredible & the Indelible Jews!". We love to enumerate the percentages of Jews who won Nobel Prizes, create lists of famous Jews, and talk about the amazing accomplishments of Israel. Similar to kiruv, this is fine; if the scenario were one-sided. But it is not. Take Anti-Semitism for example: you have some situations were anti-semitism is used to liberally describe mishaps and discrimination that occurs to the Jews. Yet what did we hear from many Jews during this election year? Various accounts of potentially racially motivated rhetoric against Obama. While it was addressed by some Jewish news outlets like Haaretz, the most bone chilling comments were heard informally in the Jewish community.

If my writing sounds too critical, it is not my intention in the least. I am simply trying to dig a bit to find the causes behind the Jewish people coming to embrace these superiority notions that teeter upon the very dangerous territory of projecting bigotry to non-Jews. This type of thinking has very little tolerance for "the others" who are trying to become like them (since it gnaws away at the inherent superiority notion). Therefore this seemingly benign issue is recognized as a red flag by Jewish converts right away.