Some things never really get easier

This afternoon I called our new Rabbi for my first shailah. Every Rabbi is different both in how he likes you to phrase the question and also how they answer. Some will wait patiently while you ramble and ramble (and ramble); and then glean out the important parts for you. Others will actively interrupt you to get the important details as you go along. I actually like the second approach better, because sometimes their patience silence makes me think I am leaving out something they need to know.

Anyway, my problem was that I was invited to a meal for the second day of Rosh Hashana by a woman who had just met me. Now her husband was generally familiar with me...and at some point I relayed my situation (because she probably asked). But I do not know if it was before or after the invitation. Although I knew of the problem then; I accepted the invitation because 1) I did not want to get in a halachaic discussion then and there -- especially since I didn't have a solution anyway and 2) I knew there was a way I could work around it, and she may not even know there was an issue.

So I asked the Rabbi what should I/could I do to prevent this woman from committing an aveirah. After taking some time to look into it, he suggested that I come before yontif to "take ownership" of the food I will be consuming; then if she cooks the food on yontif, "assist" in the cooking of "my food". Got it.

So after class, my phone rings...and it's a mysterious "private call". I came close to not even answering it...but I have a lot going on with business stuff for the sorority and are sorts of people are calling me right now from universities, so I decided to answer. It was my host for yontif! Great...now I can explain to her about what I need to do. This was far more difficult than posing the question to the Rabbi in the first place; however it sort of caught me off guard.

After talking a bit about directions and small talk, I brought up what I needed to do. She patiently listened to what I described...but did not really get the jist of what I was saying. I mean her reaction was kind of quaint; but it still put me into an awkward position. The following (paraphrased) ensued:

She: "But I thought you said you had a Reform conversion in FL?"
Me: "Oh I did"
She: "And it's documented?"
Me: "Yep"
She: "Then you are Jewish. Why do you need to do all of this?"
Me: "Well Reform conversions are not up to the standard that the Orthodox feel are acceptable...and I am fine with that, it is ok. So the Rabbi suggested that this is what I do."
She: "Well maybe he misunderstood you. Does he know about your Reform conversion?"
Me: "Uhhh.....mmmmmm...."
She: "Well if he knew, I'm sure everything would be fine..."
Me: "......"
She: "I mean Mr. ___ and his wife is going to be there. She is a gentile. She always eats at my house."
Me: {Oh boy}
Me: "No it's just the yom tovim that pose a problem..."
She: "Well I want you to be comfortable; so that's fine. I am totally kosher; my husband makes sure to that. And we all have our different customs. So please, you are welcome to come over any times and say your prayers that you need to say."
Me:?
Me: "Ok. Please, I am so thankful that you invited me; it is just a small thing...and in no way am I implying that I am not ok with joining you for a meal."
She: "Ok good. I still think it was pretty bold for the Rabbi to call you and tell you to do this."
Me: {uh-oh}
Me: "Oh no, no! I called him. I know about these issues, believe me."
She: "Oh ok. Well you shouldn't feel so bad. I mean G-d made all of us and loves all of us. I want you to be totally comfortable in my home..."

(and it when on for some more, but that was the recurring theme of our conversation basically)

This situation actually pains me; not because I have to set myself apart (I can deal with that)...but because I manage to both make people who are trying to be genuinely nice uncomfortable, and I am also spotlighting their unfamiliarity with halacha. Not that Jews should be intimately familiar with this halachot anyway; but it is very hard to convey that. Nonetheless I do it; because I am not going to be responsible for a Jew committing an aveirah (if I can possibly help it). Especially when the HKBH knows I know better.

But then again I would rather deal with this, than with a community filled with uber-shtark yidden who are afraid to get too friendly with "ex-whatevers". I am also very thankful for a Rabbi who is careful, mindful and patient -- which are always good signs.

Adventures in Kashrus - I

Dut-da-da-duh! Lookie what we have here:

Jamaican jerk sauce with a hechshure (parve). It came today (yes, I have sunk to ordering groceries online!). It doesn't really "move" like jerk sauce (instead it sort of reminds me of cheap maple syrup). But the ingredients look promising; and it's stamped as being "spicy & sweet". So they are on the right track there.

Authentic Jamaican jerk is almost impossible to pull off here in a standard kitchen. For one, it is barbecued in a hollowed out steel drum with wood that is sprinkled with pimento seeds. The meat is then peppered and basted while being grilled. It is pretty dry and crispy when it comes off of the grill. But the finisher is that the meat is moistened again by being topped off with Grace's ketchup -- which is a totally different beast than the "American" ketchups like Heinz or Hunts. It's orangy-red in color and thinner in consistency -- sort of like thick, old hot sauce I guess. But I have never seen Grace's ketchup here (even in Miami) and it's probably not kosher anyway. In spite of it being several years since eating authentic jerk, I will never forget what it is supposed to taste like...

So we'll see how good these folks do with trying to put that taste in a bottle. :-)

Smiras H'Lashon (an acknowledgement)

Sometime (all the time?) when I fire up my laptop to either blog, post to forums, or send messages on a list-serve, I am venting. Or on a soapbox, or however it should be referred to. In spite of this, I am not a natural complainer. I am, however, a bit of an alarmist (ok, I think I just made that word up) and see things all the time that concern me. Things like false information, humanistic apathy, blatant ignorance, and cruel intentions are things that I tend to "call out" -- not because I want to make anyone feel bad, or, G-d forbid, paint anyone in a bad light -- but rather because I feel that silence is a way of condoning such behavior.

I realize that this can be the wrong approach; and you learn how to pick your battles.

Since it is Elul, I am trying to make an effort to make some sort of cheshbon h'nefesh -- no matter how discouraging it may be. I saw this on Chesed Club (which is a great, South Florida-based website) a few days ago; and it is certainly worth spreading around...

TEN RULES OF SHMIRAS HALOSHON

Loshon Hora means the making of a derogatory or damaging remark to someone. The Torah forbids one to denigrate the behavior or character of a person or to make any remark that might cause physical, psychological or financial harm.

HERE ARE TEN BASIC RULES TO REMEMBER:

1. It is LOSHON HORA to convey a derogatory image of someone even if that is tre and deserved. (False derogatory statements are called MOITZI-SHEM-RA)
2. A statement which is not actually derogatory but can ultimately cause someone physical, financial, or emotional harm is also LOSHON HORA.
3. It is LOSHON HORA to humorously recount an incident that contains embarrassing or damaging information about a person even if there is not the slightest intent that they should suffer any harm or humiliation.
4. LOSHON HORA is forbidden even when you incriminate yourself as well.
5. LOSHON HORA cannot be communicated in any way, shape, or form (i.e; through writing, body language, verbal hints, etc.).
6. To speak against a community as a whole is a particularly severe offense. Harmful remarks about children are also LOSHON HORA.
7. LOSHON HORA cannot be relayed even to close relatives; including one's spouse.
8. Even if the listener has previously heard the derogatory account or the information has become public knowledge and the subject will suffer no further harm by its repetition, it nevertheless should not be repeated.
9. R’CHILUS, which is telling one person derogatory statements that another person said about them, is forbidden because it causes animosity between people.
10. It is forbidden to listen to LOSHON HORA or R’CHILUS. If someone inadvertently hears LOSHON HORA, it is forbidden to believe that it is true. One should give the person the benefit of the dougt. Assume the information is inaccurate or that the person does not realize they are doing something wrong.

NOTE: There are Ttimes when LOSHON HORA is permitted or even required, i.e; when warning a person about potential har, for example, a potential business or marriage partner. The questions of when you are allowed or even required to speak LOSHON HORA are complicated. A RABBINIC AUTHORITY WITH EXPERTISE IN THE FIELD OF SHMIRAS HALOSHON SHOULD BE CONSULTED IN ANY OF THESE CASES.

In an effort to personally come to a sort of reckoning in regards to this issue; I apologize to any person, or any community of whom I spoke bad about. Furthermore, I truly hope that any communications produced on my behalf have or will not cause feelings of hurt or ill will towards the Orthodox Jewish community. That would just kill me inside, and completely work against what I am personally striving towards. That goal is to accurately highlight Torah observant Judaism from my perspective. And that perspective is a positive one; for if it were not, I would not be sticking with it.

Well I had a weekly goal to try to go to sleep before midnight one night during the week; and tonight may just be that time. Laila tov :-)

jTunes

Well I am sort of surprised that I am bringing myself to blog about this topic; because I feel that there are some things about my persona that should be considered "off-limits" in respect to my desire to become a Jew. But then again that notion hearkens back to my Reform Judaism days...where you could pick and choose how you wish to apply Judaism. New rules apply now!

So the topic is music. I usually read something regarding Jewish music, get a little irritated, then move on. But that cycle has occurred way too often lately; like at least once per day. There is this article about the rapper Y-Love who is a real treasure to Am Yisrael (and I'm not talking only about his music). Then there is this lovely piece of work; which echos much of the same nonsense that follows:



Come on now...really???

But this is not just about me scoffing at such antics. Because, #1, I can fully appreciate the effect that music has over people. From being at hardcore shows where standing near the stage puts you at risk for a broken nose; to seeing women lose all of their dignity (and then some) during dancehall reggae parties. Music is powerful; and powerful things need to come with a warning label. And #2, I do respect (yes I do) the wisdom and foresight of those who are scholars and lovers of Torah; then they take that wisdom and guide Jews on how they should observe the Torah in today's world. Nevertheless, the aforementioned just does not sit well with me.

My music collection has a long way to go Jewish-wise. Even then, I enjoy ethnic Israeli (Sephardi?) music a tad more than the Miami Boys Choir or Avraham Fried. I like Matisyahu, Y-Love, and Blue Fringe more than all of them however. But that is not what I listen to everyday. I am usually listening to a Trojan Records album; or any random soul singer; maybe some old school R&B from the 70s, 80s or 90s. I also like new indie acts; like Metric, the White Stripes and Santogold.

So hmmm.....does is this place me at odds with the desire to become a Torah observant Jew?

I think it is a valid question; and I look at just one genre and how my spirituality has altered what I listen to and how I listen to it; and that genre is reggae. Reggae is actually pretty diverse; and there is a lot of it that is not fueled by Rastafarian dogma. In fact that is one reason why I do not listen to a lot of Bob Marley's music anymore. I mean Redemption Song and Exodus even Three Little Birds will always be classics in my book. But Rastaman Chant and Kaya...I think I will pass. But even "Rastafarian" music has themes that copy over to Judaism no problem; like Rivers of Babylon by the Melodians...which is an absolutely beautiful song and appears on Trojan's Rastafari Box Set (sung there by the Ronnie Davis however)...

By the rivers of Babylon
Where we sat down
There we wept
When we remembered Zion...

For the wicked
Carried us away...captivity
Requiring from us a song
How can we sing a song of joy in a
strange land?

So let the
Words of our mouths
and the meditations of our hearts
be acceptable in Thy sight
here tonight

Now this just one of...oh...maybe hundreds of reggae songs that are out there (yep, it is hundreds because Jamaica produces more recordings per capita than any other country) that meet these standards. But let me step out on another limb...and rant a bit about music that can't serve as psuedo-kosher music.

Like Al Green; I think that Al Green has somehow miraculously taken his soul and transformed a bit of it into sound waves. Somehow, I feel that he would, without a doubt, be thrown over into the "treif" music pile. So why is it I don't feel bad while listening to him? Sure, he sings about love, and feeling sad, and all sorts of other things that I can sympathize with. I have enough sense to realize (and I must say this...because some people don't) that Al Green is not singing about or to me. Which sort of brings up the notion of "kol isha"; which is the prohibition where Jewish men should not hear a woman who is not related to them sing. Actually, I do not have any issue with this...because the anti-feminist in me believes that most male minds work differently than most female minds do. And just like shomer negia (which applies to both sexes), it serves as a tangible reminder that being a Torah observant Jew means adhearing to a higher level of kedusha. With that being said, I respect and understand kol isha; but I am not going to think a Jewish man is a rusha because he listens to Barbara Streisand. Back to Al Green though...he is not a Jew (not that I know of) so there is no true shame that he does not conduct himself in accordance to the teachings of the Torah. He is talented; and I am very thankful that he is able to share his talents with the world.

And as far as those who feel Al Green and the like are sinful, shameful, and the pinnacle of complete talentless debauchary? Hmmm. Well I believe that your taste in music is similar to your taste in food. It may modify itself over time; but large and by far, you sort of grow into it. I mean some gerim and baalei teshuva may really dig Lipa Schmeltzer and The Chevra; and that's cool. I personally think they are pretty talented; but I don't they don't fit me like an old pair of bedroom slippers do. Which is why I am much happier with Matisyahu and Y-Love. But more than that, music is just sound and lyrics are just words and whatever does not sit right with me, I can't (and won't) sit there and be subjected to. That is why I don't listen to reggae that sings about puffing on gangja spliffs; or pop songs that are invitations to give anatomy lessons; or rap music that is about...u-hem...."lollipops"; or punk music that is about assasinating the president; or any type of music that encourages you to do some hokey dance (which would be The Macarena, or The Electric Slide or The Tootsie Roll or The Hokey Pokey...or any other of the plethora of songs, which, if they were never recorded, would have left the world a little better place).

My desire is for my yiras h'shmayim to be stronger than anything; including any bad influences from music. But then again, I am of the Jewish camp which does not equate things that are a product of goyim = bad. I fully admit, I still listen to some music that would really scare a lot of Jewish people. The list (slowly) gets smaller as time goes on; or maybe it's because I'm getting older as well. But it is sad to see Torah observant Judaism being used as justification to promote insularity and predjudice attitudes. Somehow, this just does not seem to do anything to combat the assimilation problem.

Hopefully, this will be my only post about this issue. I hope Moshiach will come soon and we can enjoy music of pure simcha to celebrate the rebuilding of the Beis HaMikdash.

Religious Intolerance

Well my website (which isn't even live) was hacked sometime over the weekend by the Moroccan Defender's of Islam (nope, that's not my site -- I fixed my site). I wonder if Islam has any concept of a "chillul Hashem"? Not to mention the strange name. Why must Islam be defended? And how does hacking my website help to defend Islam? Unless you just want to give some visibility to your cause. But you would probably get more exposure holding up some signs downtown during mid-day.

Despite these annoyances, I don't really feel the inherent ill will towards Arabs. I do not sympathize with them, and I think they have a lot to answer for to Hashem. But other than that, I don't cook up this inner hatred of them. I understand that the Arabs are a modern day tsuris to the Jews; but before them it was the Xtians. I also understand that living in Israel and seeing the day to day hardships tolerated just because the Palestinians are not happy is very, very trying. However, I cannot sink to treat or to think of any other group in a way that I would loathe to be treated or thought of.

Maybe that is a "problem" -- coming from a totally different group and trying, in adulthood, to align yourself with a new group. Currently, you may be totally assimilated into your new community. But you never forget (unless you amnesia I guess) what life was like for you "before". You don't feel like you are still a part of it (in my case, I wasn't really a part of anything), but you do remember what it felt like to "not" be what you currently are. In the case of Jews, this is a group of people who have never had it easy. Even today, when there are few, widespread physical threats to the Jewish People, we are now battling psychological battles with assimilation and possessing an inferiority status.

Back to the intolerance thing; I wonder what percentage of observant Jews in diaspora are good friends with any Muslims? I have two members on the national board of my sorority who are Muslim; one is Serbian, the other is Indian. I didn't know this (they aren't very religious) until both had to miss something due to a holiday. But even if they were religious, as long as I didn't hear any anti-semitic, racist dogma being revealed, I can not really see myself not being friends with them. I was also pretty humoured by how many Arab men in Florida had no issue dating Jewish women. I am pretty sure it did not go the other way around, but I remember while being out with a group of Jewish girlfriends (from my Reform days), they used to flirt a bit and then we would reveal that we were Jewish. They were hardly phased.

8 years ago, I remember that the College of Engineering (where I worked) at WVU hosted some sort of event that involved food. There was this stuff that tasted heavenly...it was like spiced ground meat in a pastry-type filling. It was made by the wife of a student who was a White man from WV who converted to Islam. I was still hoping to convert to [Reform] Judaism, so I was just in awe of how he made such a drastic change himself. I was pretty green back then, but I was very clear about my interest in Judaism and both he and his wife (who was born Muslim) seemed very encouraging - sharing their experiences as well. I don't know..maybe they were green too.

Judaism classically teaches that there is more than one path to righteousness (as long as you stay within the 7 mitzvot for Bnei Noach; although I am confused as to rather or not adherants to other faiths can ever, truly be "good" Bnei Noach). Yet Jews seem to have a pretty low opinion of those who are not Jewish; while at the same time being half-apologetic for practicing Judaism. I guess that is why I really enjoy Y. Sofer in Eretz Yisrael, because he really practices Judaism like it's the best thing since sliced bread. There was a story he told regarding trying to make a kosher suedah in Jamaica sometime in the 1970s. Shaare Shalom brought in kosher meat from Miami, only to have the Jews of the congregation cook it in the old treif pots. "Dis 'ere a BASIC kashrus man! Unnu nah have one lick a sense; pyre vegatable and fish ya haffe nyam affa righta now, you nah seyit?"

Being a Torah observant Jew is not easy, but I wonder if there were a slight (just a slight) shift in attitude, that one aspect, the relationship with our non-Jewish neighbors, improve. This is not about extending the olive branch. It's more about seeing the humanity present all around us. I don't know if it's because I'm a convert-in-training or what the story is, but my old non-Jewish co-workers used to flock to me for any sort of Jewish question that popped into their minds. I would rather they have not did this, because there were plenty of other Jews around they could have asked; but somehow that didn't happen. Some were good questions...like "What's the difference between Sukkot, Sukkas and Shabbas?"...and then some were ridiculous like "Do Jews really have sex with a sheet between them?". As weird and awkward as all of that was, I would like to think that Jewish people lost a bit of their "alien status" and just a bit more understanding was established there. Now I have a new job with one co-worker who wears a "Jesus is my King" type t-shirt every other day and two other co-workers who have pastors in their immediate families and discuss the latest revival events. I am hoping no round of questions come my way this time...but it may be inevitable.

I guess that's ok; as long as I can ask questions about their religions as well.