Tell Me About It In The Morning, Ok?

School started last week; and from the looks of it, I should be able to (IY"H) pull off this 18-credits + a-30-hour-work-week thing. Today I was my first day back and the first time I've seen my boss since she left on vacation 16 days ago. I came in armed with my print out of the month of October from Chabad.org. Yes, you are not reading that incorrectly...there are 3 weeks when I need two days off back to back. Awwww...I knew you would understand! I can work 9-hour days to make up for it, no problem. And no, I can't be reached on my cell phone...I'm very sorry.

B"H, that religious people can even exercise these rights with their employers nowadays!

If only it were so easy to explain the Jewish calendar to those who are not your employers. I received an e-mail from a friend from my old college days (waay back from when I was on campus) regarding Fantasy Football. Hmmmm...whatever that is. On one hand, I can't be coy...I know why he contacted me. I grew up with football. Plaxico Burress, Charlie Batch, and Willie Parker are in my extended family (as proudly told to me by my Grandmother). I went to two high schools that had powerhouse football programs. On top of that, I was in the marching band, so I was required to attend every game. As I moved through high school, some of my very good friends became starters; so it became "personal". Then I could begin to appreciate the talent present in professional level football. Then came college...

A person can never overestimate the importance that the football program of West Viriginia University holds over the school, the students, and the state. I actually did play in the Pride of West Viriginia (the university marching band) for 1 season, but it was waay to intense for me. Band practice at 8 am on a Saturday was not my idea of fun at all. I very much preferred the following year of making the trek to Milan Puskar stadium sipping beers that didn't need coolers because it was super cold/windy/snowy outside anyway. Sitting around with 60,000 other fans (or foes) being as entertained by what going on in the stands as what is going on with the game. Football started to appear almost like a chess match. I could pick out the positions and anticipate the calls. You began to recognize the plays. I never got into remembering statistics, but at least I could match the number on the jersey to the player.

I was probably one of the few women my friends knew who could do this, so I guess this is why I stuck out in his mind as a pick to participate in Fantasy Football?

So I sent an IM back on AIM, "Ummm...thanks, but I don't really have the time for all of that right now" (which is true).
Reply: "Oh it's cool. Hey are you going to homecoming?"
Response: "What? Where, in Morgantown?"
Reply: "Yeah. I think it's on Oct. 11"
Response: "That's a Saturday?"
Reply: "Yeah."
Response: "Oh surely not :-)"
Reply: "Why? You can get tickets since you're a student now. Don't have to go to the scalpers like I do."
Response: "Ok...do you want mine then?"
Reply: "No, they check your ID. Thanks though. So are you planning to go to any other games?"
Response: "Not really."
Reply: "Oh how come."
Response: "Aren't they all on Saturdays just about?"
Reply: "Yeah. Except for the Pitt game which is Friday."
Response: "Yeah. No. :-)"
Reply: "What...you're going to miss the Backyard Brawl!?!"
Response: "_____, Fridays/Saturdays are the Jewish Sabbath..."

Then commenced some more explaining revolving around why going to a football game would be a problem on Shabbat...

Just to verify I checked the upcoming football schedule for WVU. And yes, just about every game was on a Saturday. But even if one fell on a Sunday or something, I honestly do not know if I could get motivated to attend. In fact, probably not. It's weird, because if I had TiVo, I would record the games and watch them (surely before watch the Steelers). But dealing with being in a football stadium -- I would have to pass. It's funny, because I only have the greatest memories of going to the games. And I still love football. It's something else.

I recognize that waves of pure irrationality sweep throughout large crowds. Here you have 11 college athletes on a 100-yard field. They are surrounded by thousands upon thousands of people whose extreme happiness or extreme disappointment/frustration is dependent upon them. I guess I will "go there" and wonder out loud if it is all nothing but a form of avodah zarah -- one of the biggest no-nos a Jew can do. What we have is a modern-day Coliseum (no pun intended...in that WVU does in fact have a "coliseum" where they play basketball games) where the humanity of those being watched is stripped away. Are they elevated to being worshipped as demigods? Or are they being degraded to the point where their own well being is only secondary to the much desired victory? Whatever the case, it seems...it just feels so "twisted".

So I guess if I did want to get swept up in a mob-type mentality along with 60,000 other people, I would not want to do it for the sake of cheering on a football team.

I did not watch the Olympics either (just couldn't change my schedule and stop what I was doing to watch them I guess), but at least with the Olympics, you sometimes get a little insight into the athletes. I thought it was fantastic that Jamaica won so many gold medals...because I get tired of the continuous bad rep the island seems to get (so it's great to see the world cheering them on). But I hardly felt bad that I did not see them competing. Just tell me the outcome...and I hope they win in the end.

So I wish the Mountaineers an excellent season in 2008. I'll be checking the highlights on Sundays.

Well Before November...

Let me just get this out of my system now...before November comes.

Once upon a time...when I lived in a "frum shteibel" (in a land far, far away), I had quite a few frum neighbors who were staunch, passionate Republicans. These were/are good friends of mine. However Shabbos was undoubtedly a time where you would discuss current affairs and hear about the latest drech the Democrats were involved in.

So there is me; a lifelong Democrat*, just smiling and biting my tongue really. In part because I was not as well-versed as my friends in all the gory political details...but mostly because I do not feel that politics should be discussed on Shabbat (hakodesh vs. hachol).

But I do understand that it is deeply ingrained into the Jewish psyche (maybe even on a "spiritual" level) to be sensitive to the ways of gentile leaders under which they live. There is even a bracha to be said upon seeing a powerful gentile leader (shenatan meechvodo l'vashar v'adam). There is also an opinion out there that when a non-Jewish nation is tolerant of the Jews in their midst...that nation flourishes. But even outside of the frum world, there is the recognition of the importance (real or perceived) of the "Jewish vote" and "Jewish politics" (like in this Jim Lehrer piece on Faith & Politics -- a good article, although I find those little headshots to be unbelievably unflattering!). Secular Jews also seem to have adopted the "religion" of education/business/politics as an outlet to release their pent-up energies to make a difference somehow in olam hazeh.

Nevertheless, I just can't get into it. To me, political choices may be influenced somewhat by your religion...but it should not have the main control. I believe that is why the founding fathers of this country saw the importance of having the separation between "church & state". There are only two main political parties in the U.S.; and it is impossible for one or the other, in my own humble opinion, to completely satisfy the political ideologies of the vast majority of Americans -- including Jews.

Not to mention that American Jews are incredibly diverse -- in spite of what the media says. Their priorities are diverse...their backgrounds are diverse...their personal economics are diverse. Is it realistic to think that any politician could cater to the needs of all "American Jews"? Is it realistic to think that any politician would not be paying careful attention to the millions of Americans out there who feel that the United States needs to pull the purse strings from Israel? Is it realistic to think that every US President will place priority status on the needs of Jews and that AIPAC will always be there saving the day?

And what about what we daven for every day? The dawn of the messianic era where we will once again build the Beis Hamikdash. Isn't the eventual manifestation of Hashem's divine plan just a bit bigger than who wins the presidential election in the U.S. in 2008? Will any of this prevent the eventual war of Gog v'Magog? Our actions yield the type of environment in which we live but does not change what Hashem has laid out to happen. Disastrous things have happened when the Jews placed to much faith in outside powers and the ability of other nations to sustain them. History has a way of repeating itself -- we should tread carefully.

With all this being said, I will be supporting Barack Obama in November; no debates...no insults on my intelligence...please. As a citizen of the United States, I wish to select a President that will be the best choice for this country overall. The Jewish nation is very fortunate...in that they do not need to rely on limited human judgment to pick their ultimate leader...HKBH. Other than that, I am not concerned with how other American Jews vote...or what their reasonings are. Politics is just another, unnecessary device which can be put in place to divide the Jewish nation. It's really not cool; there other more pressing issues that we have to deal with in today's world.

* - officially, I consider myself a Democratic Socialist; a political platform I discovered in college -- but fell tacit about being that I was living in South Florida where everything smelling of communism was equated with the devil it seemed. Outside of that, I am so embarrassed at how most Democrats have thrown morality out the window and have the nerve to justify it with the wishy-washy notions of "personal freedom" and "choice". (And no...I am not just talking about abortion here). I am also a bit leery of the eagerness of fundamental Xtians desire to form an alliance with religious Jews. Jews should (in my opinion) not be so quick to believe that the politics of the Xtian right aligns itself perfectly with the politics of the Jewish right. Maybe I'm paranoid...

Where to End -- Where to Begin

So I read this amazing post on a Simple Jew's blog; and I kid you not...the last two mornings I have been thinking about this. But I never dreamed I would actually be writing about this...but here I go...

My davening is a problem. I do not know when it happened or how it happened. Well; I guess that is not entirely true. I was not really davening on a daily basis when I was in the hospital. When I was released...I was re-united with the interlinear siddur my Hebrew teacher gave me. For some reason, it confused me and tripped me up a couple times. In between pain and therapy and no sort of set schedule...my daily tefillah schedule came totally off track. I used the excuse that I was a woman and...whatever...what I say is what I could say. G-d would understand.

But the yetzer hara is such a slick little bugger -- a little turns into a lot, and before I knew it I was down to the Shema and the Amida - sans any extra brachot - sans any special attention that I was saying each and every word. What a long, sad cry from how I would stand viewing the morning outside my patio window...with careful consideration and attention given to HKBH all the way from Brachot H'shachar to Aleinu...to a thoughful Birkat Hamazon....to a Shema al Hamittah said without dozing off/zoning out.

You would think (and I am disappointed that) when things turn to be tough, you develop more kavannah and a stronger bond with Hashem. Unfortunately I am sad to say that I let emotional hurt and other various difficulties hover like a cloud which just blocked out my spiritual connection. In the grand scheme of things...there was no reason for that. Despite my own lack of acknowledgment, I have still received many brachos during this time. My life, my ability to return to college (finally!), my understanding job and modest insurance settlements (that appropriately were just enough to take care of my needs at the time), as well as being placed in an environment that is much healthier for my emotional well being.

When you are coming from being a secular individual...and moving towards being a Torah-observant Jew, you have a lot of different milestones and measuring sticks were you must mark your progress. Sometimes it seems hopelessly easy -- other times you just can't understand why you just plateau. Then there are situations like this where you slip and you need to backtrack and do it all over again basically...

So 2 weeks ago I brought a small Ohel Sarah (Women's) Artscroll Siddur. It's a much more use able format. I am back to allotting anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes for davening in the morning. I make a conscious effort to go to bed as opposed to "falling" into bed from exhaustion. It's time to make tefillah a priority again; I just wish for Hashem to bear with me while I sort out all the logistics.

3rd Great-Grandaughter of Charles Jones

And who is "Charles Jones"? Charles Jones was a slave - born around 1825 and in 1870 (the earliest census he could be found on) was living in Flat Creek Township in Lancaster County, SC with his wife, Phillis.

I found this out this past weekend. It was the 3rd annual Jones Family Reunion and they were holding it up here, in Pennsylvania this time. I could not attend the bulk of the events (like the church service in the church my great-grandmother founded or the dinner/banquet thing). But I did go to the picnic this past Sunday at Renziehausen Park. That's where I got a t-shirt, a family history book, and a name tag that read "3rd Great-Grandaughter" while my Grandfather (who got $25 for being the oldest family member there) got a name tag that read "Great-Grandson".

I did not know the reference point at all. Until I started reading the book. Charles Jones had 10 children; most of them, we have no idea about. Charles Jones, Jr. was his 5th child and was my Great-Grandmother's father. Here's my Great-Grandmother, Lillie:
At some point, she moved from Monroe, NC (Anna Blakeney, her mother moved there after her husband died) to Clairton, PA. Her twins, Mary & Martha were born in Union County, NC in 1924, and my Grandfather, Robert was born in Clairton in 1927.

So the reason why I bring this up is because I was asked this past Shabbos about what my family thinks about my choice to become a Jew. Never do I get the impression that this question is asked out of anything but genuine concern and curiosity. However, I often times wonder just how I should answer that question; without sounding trite. The average Black American family has a slew of other, much more pressing concerns regarding their children -- outside of their choice of religion. Black parents have to deal with a sea of negative influences in their community that can pull their children into teenage pregnancy, crime, substance abuse, and overall hopelessness and lack of faith in leading a productive life. I am surely not saying that White American families do not have these problems to deal with. It is just that for many more Black families...these issues hit closer to home.

During the OU's Tisha B'Av presentation, Rabbi Weinreb talked a bit about a class he gave to non-Jews; and mentioned that there were several Black women in this class. And he said, "...like many Black women, they knew their bible very well.". I mean it was just a quick blurb...but I wonder what his experience were that prompted that comment?

I have also heard it said that Black people are very "spiritual"...whatever that means. I guess I would agree that I do not know of that many (maybe no) Black atheists. I do not proscribe to blanket statements...but I have seriously never heard of a Black family disowning a child because they became a Muslim or a Buddhist or anything of the sort. Now they will talk about you until no end...but they will still consider you family. Unless you owe them money; then they will not need to disown you, because you will mysteriously disappear from off the face of the earth...

In spite of all these religious underpinnings of the Black community...I must admit that I avoid a lot of opposition on the basis of ignorance. Most Black people know very, (very) little about bona-fide, Torah observant Judaism. I also see no real need to educate them on it. You hear talk in the media about all of this Black antisemitism...but I do not buy it for a second. #1 - the Black community at large is not practicing the same type of Xtianity that incorporated anti-Jewish sentiments. #2 - Many Black Americans are just anti-everything; in that they have some axe to bury with anyone who is not Black.

Anyway, back to my own family, I feel like we are a sea of question marks...with little tokens of our past...but mainly focused on the future. The Scotts (the family that did the bulk of the genealogical research) did a lot of work to just find the information regarding these past 5 generations. Growing up, my family always just "stopped" with those members who migrated up North. Now I don't know how many people are in this book...maybe 400-500 -- but that is really just the decedents of two of Charles Jone's children and about 5 of his Grandchildren. And by far, it's just a list of names, birth dates and places (my great-aunt Estelle, Lillie's sister, was properly noted as having had died in Israel in 1971). What are the stories behind those names? I know there is a cousin, Tiffany Glenn, that married Plaxico Burress (wide receiver who played in the last Super Bowl) and there apparently are some cousins in Philadelphia who became Muslims (names are Shaheed, Nadirah, Taalib and Sameerah Shabazz). Only G-d knows where the rest of us ended up...or will end up in life.

I wish I knew a bit more about the Kabbalistic explanation of yichus. I mean what on earth type of yichus do you have when you are descended from a piece of property (or 1/4 of a human being or whatever the US government regarded slaves as back then)? Not that I even entertain notions of inferiority; I would hope to take on the yichus of Avraham v'Sarah. However it sort of puts in perspective the influence a birth family ultimately yields on the life of gerim -- curiously, very little.

*Note - re-reading this, I can see how this can be interpreted as me not being proud of my family. Nothing could be further from the truth. However I do not feel, nor does my family feel, pressure to adhere to any sort of family legacies...

Wait, I don't get it!

Ok, so it's the month of Av; the sad, mournful month. There is a prohibition to not listen to instrumental music from the 17th of Tammuz, until the 9th of Av (actually, into the first half of the 10th of Av as well). Quite frankly, I dread this period. I love music....and play it everywhere. When I was in Miami though, I could deal with it by listening to the shiurim CDs you could pick up for free in the shuls and in the Judaica shops. Yes, I would get a lot of aural Torah learning done during this period.

However this year it's different. Here I am without my CDs and my books. Talk radio was beginning to curdle my stomach, so I took a stroll down to Pinsker's the other day to get some CDs. I was pretty surprised to see that they had very few recorded shiurim on CD. What!? Not even some stuff from Rebbetzin Tzipporah Heller?

I did not want to leave empty handed, so I headed over to the section of "acapella" CDs. Being a musician of sorts, I know what acapella is...and it doesn't really have too much of a pull on me (unless it's Boyz II Men...see below!). Nonetheless, I got A.K.A. Pella 2 which had some good reviews. While it is not my favorite CD of all time, it is quite listenable. Maybe too much so. While no instruments may have been used, it sure does sound like it. Or some sort of synthesized, computerized "stuff". In addition, there seems to be no prohibition on the subject matter of the music...just on the musical instruments part. But modern singing techniques mirror a lot of the sound effects musical instruments make (or maybe it's always been that way).

So here I am, driving along, listening to my "acapella" CD; and also wondering, honestly, what exactly is going on here? Yes, maybe if you grow up frum, the halacha becomes internalized...and you know all the "do nots"...but what about the intention behind the halacha? I am not scrutinizing those Yidden who have always been Torah observant; and I fully admit my feelings probably have root in the fact that I am not well-versed in halalcha. However, I do sort-of-kind-of remember Rabbi Yossi not particularly agreeing with listening to acapella music during the three weeks (again, do not quote me on that!). Thousands of Torah-observant Jews fully enjoy acappella music during this time...so who am I to judge?

It's during times like these, I wish I had a Rav to talk to...just to get musings like this explained. Oh, it's very, very hard to come in from outside the frum world and internalize all this stuff. Sometimes I don't even know where to begin!

Now as a treat, here's some Boyz II Men; don't worry, it's a totally kosher song!

Tznius Shopping Revisited

Well I am trying to rebuild my wardrobe again. When I came up to Pennsylvania, I had very few clothes with me. Now that I am working, I need to buy clothes!

My initial impression from how things were 2 years ago...it is not as easy to just go to general stores and find tznius clothing. The common style now is show as much as possible either with really short mini skirts or shirts that could double as lingerie. Yep, gone are the days where you could by a long flowing skirt from Urban Outfitters. Couple that with the fact that I am on a budget...and I am noticing that my options are pretty limited.

Well I had a discount coupon for Soft Surroundings Outlet for 10% off any order over $50.00. I brought 3 tops and some lip gloss for around $56. Here's what my tops look like:


I got the one with the rose on it in two different colors.

I was also determined to get a long denim skirt (I also want a denim jacket, but I have yet to find one that I like). I just simply could not believe the pricing on some of these skirts; both at the Jewish and non-Jewish stores. I really did not want to pay more than $50 for a casual skirt. Although the listing is not comprehensive, I started with the Modest Clothes Directory where I found a site called Nutmeg. Although their selections was not fantastic (as is the case with many of the Jewish stores) I found a the denim skirt shown below on sale for $30. Shipping was only $7 and they use PayPal for payment...where I discovered I had $9 sitting in my PayPal account. So my final cost was $27.


Also, I was not planning on getting a dressier skirt, but I saw a very interesting piece at Newport News on clearance, and I just couldn't resist. The skirt below was only $24.99!

They also had a lot of other long skirts on sale as well.

While I did not purchase anything from them, I discovered some great new sites such as Style J, and Christa Taylor. Yes...this is definitely to be continued!

*Disclaimer* - Observant Jews are currently holding in the 3 weeks - a period from the 17th of Tammuz until the 9th of Av that includes some restrictions on certain activities...including buying new clothes. These laws are even more particular from Rosh Chodesh Av until the 9th of Av. I am cognizant of these halachos, but since I am not Jewish yet and more importantly outside of the community, I am not bound by them. IY"H, one day...one day!