Jewish Matriarchs

This Shabbos is parshas Vayetzei. This link on Aish HaTorah's website discusses the dynamic between Rachel and Leah (which I won't try to paraphase or discuss here!). Now this is a story I've been familiar with since I was a little girl. And I remember being able to relate to Leah. The poor girl was 'overlooked' and left for her fairer sister Rachel. Ok, ok, so now I know that Leah was not exactly a straight-shooter; turns out she had a few character traits inherited from Laban it seems.

Genes, lines, families. I wonder, if Leah had this "blemish" on her character, why did Hashem find it suiting to give Leah most of Jacob's children? True the 'redemptive' line is brought down through Rachel, but why should the tainted outweigh the bad? This is of course conclusions based on the idea that intangible traits like attitude, intelligence and character are influenced by your forefathers (and foremothers).

Since I'm a woman, I'm going to be biased and look at the women in my own family. Hmmm...ok, so my Mother and I are like night and day. Physically, we look alike; personality-wise, we may as well be from two different planets. Moving up the line - to the Grandmothers; my Father's mother had a lot more courage than I have. She was also willing to put her own wishes aside to cater to every need of her children. I don't know if I can compare her and I because I don't have children and her's were so central to her existence. My Mother's mother is like a living doll; too delicate to be real. She is the type of woman who does things such as tapping you one the shoulder and saying "Hey, I love you!" and praying over you before you do - well anything. Things that you to embarrass me immensely when I was younger. She gives me a great example to shoot for; but we don't have much in common either. Going up even further (staying on my Mother's side because that is all I know); both Great-grandmothers were very strong, religious women with forceful conviction in their faith. Active no only in their respective churches but also known nationally as achiever's in the C.O.G.I.C. (Church of G-d in __ ) movement. I am descended from such women?

This Shabbos, hundreds of thousands of Jews will sing אשת חיל to the woman of the household. A Jewish woman who is the cornerstone to the continuation of the Jewish people. But in each stanza of that zemirah, I can see at least one of my own, non-Jewish matriarchs. What a surprise - Shlomo HaMelech sees what I see (or perhaps it should be the other way around)! As a potential convert, many people ask me how I can "change" so much? Don't I feel "strange" doing all of these things. Truth be told - I feel more as if I am coming full circle than anything else. Tznius? My Grandmother who raised me never wore slacks a day in her life - she sees the value in modest dress, that's for sure. Kashrus? My Father's mother had to deal with raising two vegetarian sons in the 70's - back in the days when there was no Whole Foods Market in every shopping center. Hair covering? Black women with their hats in church is a subject that books have been written about.

Of course the differences are great; but the life of a Torah-observant woman feels much less strange to me than the life of a woman in a mini-skirt and heels in the clubs on the beach.

Jewish women, no matter how they secular world may try to corner them off and say, "Look, she's so oppressed! She's not seen as equal in the eyes of the Torah!" are not phased or detracted from what they are. They know their essence is their neshamot. I remember that as a young child, I did not daydream about "girlie" stuff like getting married or having children. I was not opposed to the idea either (I understood that women should feel pride in playing "the mommy role"), but it was not central to my future. I wanted to "do stuff" and "be somebody". The older I became, the more pressing this idea was on my mind. But was I not already "somebody". I was at that point (17, 18 years old) what Hashem wanted me to be. But in my eyes it meant nothing. Perhaps deep down it did; but society was saying, "Hey, you need a title; you need some accomplishments; you need a trip to the salon and a personal trainer!". Just so that you can be - what? So I can complete myself? So tell me, when will I be complete?

Last night I took a walk from my office to Pita Loca; which takes me through about 8 blocks of South Beach; the essence of trendy materialism in it's highest style. I saw a young woman who was trying on a dress in a boutique. Although she wasn't looking for the attention - just trying to model in front of the mirrors to see if she wanted to spend the oodles of money on the outfit, a couple tourists started playing amateur photo shoot and she had a bit of a crowd. I cannot say that I know what it feels like, but if I was in that position I would feel dehumanized. Here are people who don't even know my name - who haven't even heard my voice - yet they want to get close to me and take my picture. Then they will take that picture and do what with it? What will they say about me upon showing it to whoever? It probably won't be bad, but it will surely be about my appearance. The essence of me - my soul - will be constantly overlooked and glossed over.

I found myself thinking about if I ever had a daughter what would I say so that she is never in such a position? Through dejection, disappointment, and heartache I learned that those attracted to you on superficial aspects such as appearance have a very tough time getting an accurate idea of the person you are. On the other hand, personal pride in healthy doses does manifest itself in good hygiene, keeping your body in shape, and having a stylish appearance - much like the models on this site.

I mentioned that my own Mother and I are very different; however I don't think that words can give proper justice to the comparison between us. Sure, we look a lot alike - to the extent that some people have mixed us up with each other. However the personality of the woman who gave birth to me was not passed on. She did not live with me; she had little if any effect on my daily environment as a child.

I have 4 younger sisters; one who's name is Rachel as well. She on the other hand looks nothing like her mother; to the point where some people (even she) have voiced surprise over my sister's appearance. Because Rachel is very young, it's hard to see which parent her "spirit" follows; maybe neither.

I made a huge detour trying to get to the question - Is the Jewish soul passed through heredity or environment? I mentioned how in אשת חיל I find familiarity. But in relation to the environment I was raised in, and not necessarily the woman who is my immediate predecessor. Could this be the hidden secret of the importance of the Jewish woman? The tribal affiliation (i.e. - "name") is passed on through the father but the Jewish home itself, the בית הקדש is maintained by the women.

A convert in Judaism 'loses' the familial ties to their natural cases simply because they become a Jew, while the family remains non-Jews - which prohibits them from specific Jewish ritual and services. But my family has helped cultivate me. Hashem created the seed, and put into impetus the growth but they are the ones who watered me, threw in some fertilizer, and pruned me every now and then.

Perhaps it does not matter so much the characteristics of the Jewish matriarchs - or patriarchs for that matter. Jews do not have "magic genes" that make them better people than gentiles. But they do know the secret; or more specifically, Jewish women know the secret, of how to transfer "character" to the next generation. What an awesome responsibility; what a priviledge to be endowed with such a task!