Be Cool - And Say a Bracha!

I was thinking that I really should purchase and complete a sefer (any sefer) which addresses the topic of brachot directly before making this post. But since I don't know if such will happen before Pesach; I figured I may as well write now - and revist the topic later if necessary.

Over the weekend, while over my Father's house, this topic was "triggered" because he pointed out that I had left a bentcher over there from last weekend. I sort of looked at him blankly since I didn't even realize it. He was surprised I didn't miss it. Truth be told I have bentchers everywhere; in my purse (which is why my purse stays at my desk when I use the restroom or I need to remove the bentcher and place elsewhere while using a public restroom. Always makes going to the mall interesting!), in my car, on my desk, at home (of course), and now at my Father's house. Since I don't have ברכת המזון , מעין שלש, or even בורא נפשות memorized, I need them (or a siddur) handy for every time I eat. But that's just the beginning...

About five [short] years ago, I remember I was over the home of a cousin and she served me and her sister a meal. Now understand I hold my cousin's cooking right up there will my Grandmother's - and my Granmother is no longer living, so it "was" such a treat for me. One second after the plate was set down I had a forkful and it was heading towards my mouth, when I noticed my other cousin had her head bowed and and was silently uttering some sort of blessing before freely partaking in stuffing her face. I didn't quite feel ashamed (I'll explain why in a bit), but I felt very awed. Here is a young woman that I would not describe as religious per say. She's J---- Witness by marriage (was separated at that time) and hardly ever attends religious services. But obviously she had enough respect for the Creator where she knew to offer gratitude before eating her meal. I on the other hand was raised to do the same in my Xtian household; except the blessing I was taught seemed hopelessly juvenille (G-d is great, G-d is good; L-rd we thank you for this food), and you said it as a symbol of manners and showing that you had a good upbringing. Understand that in the Black Protestant practice, "good" prayer involves eyes tightly squeezed shut, spontaneous shouts of "In the NAME of JeeeeSUS!", a strong sing-song voice and maybe even a little bit of weeping. The consensus was that if you just listened to - or held hands with (usually via a large circle of everyone in the attendance at the time) someone who had such talents; that was more than enough blessings to go around for you youself to eat. Besides, Reform Judaism did mention anything about saying a blessing before eating. You had kiddush for your Shabbat meal, but that bracha specifically said "...for the fruit of the vine". There was no encouragement to be so "anal" as to make a blessing before eating anything.

Hahahaha...if only I knew - eating isn't even half of it!

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The Sages of the Jewish Nation (of blessed memory) teach that Jews should say 100 brachot per day...

Close to the end of my involvement with my old Reform congregation, the Rabbi there distributed a printout listing his morning routine of blessings. This printout included מודה אני as well as the שמע and a few lines from ברכות השחר. Never in my life had I recited blessings in the morning before (before bedtime yes, but in the morning no). It felt surprisingly natural and invigorating. Funny I would recite these blessings before embarking out to work; well after I ate breakfast. That was two years ago.

Today, my mornings go more like this:

1) Open eyes (sometimes it takes 2 or 3 attemps!) and say מודה אני.
2) Roll out of bed and perform negel vasser. Do "my thing". Wash my hands. Go out to my living room where I keep my siddurim (making sure to find my slippers, since it's not respectful to say brachot barefooted*)
3) Recite אשר יצר (no נטילת ידים, since it's a vain bracha for non-Jews**).
4) Go shower dress, hair, brush teeth - all the good stuff.
5) Back to the livingroom (I don't keep siddurim in my bedroom*) to recite ברכות השחר.
6) If I'm running early, I will also recite [some of] פסוקי דזמרה and go right into davening שמע and שמונה עשרה. If I'm "on time" (usually the case) I drive to work and daven in the office.
7) I then recite my daily allotment of תהלים.

After this I then make my way to our coffee machine and our company's stash of chocolate biscotti. It is now a good 2 hours after I have arisen, sat through traffic (and avoided various "wandering creatures" along Biscayne Blvd. - local joke), unlocked the office, davened and finally I get to put something in my stomach. Even still - the instinct is there to pause 4 seconds to recite " בורא מיני מזונות " over my biscotti.

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Brachot, like kashrus, is a tangible action that encloses Torah-observant Jews into their own world. What started out as "no big thing" has grown into an action that leaves the non-initiated a bit bewildered. Understand that I used to stare at a food, take out my NCSY/OU "Guide To Blessings" and look for the corresponding bracha (I still have to do this - for foods I don't eat too often, like popcorn {which is האדמה by the way}), and then eat. Through observation I learned that food has an 'order' by which they need to be eaten (still not expert at this concept; try to eat what ever item has grain in it first). Only after time did I add the brachot for after eating as well.

There are also various brachot for other human experiences. From going to the restroom, to seeing the ocean (which I admit - it's a crime, I don't see too often, and I live a whole 10 minutes away from the ocean!). I remember when Aish brought in Rabbi Pliskin, shlita and it was my first opportunity to say " שחלק מחכמתו ליראיו ". But I must admit I felt a bit odd; in that while others had stood upon his entrance - I didn't see any brachas being said, and maybe I was being a bit too machmid

Even now I feel a bit uncomfortable when I pull out my bentcher after eating and take 4 minutes (yes it takes me that long)"to bentch". I'm not uncomfortable because I am ashamed to be so openly religious; I'm uncomfortable because I don't wish to make those around me feel bad. At work, although my company is Shomer Shabbos, there are no other frum Jews in my department - I found that at group lunches I open the bentcher on my lap and then it's not so obvious. A couple times, however, others have started talking to me because they didn't realize what I was doing. Then they apologize; then I feel bad. I don't like to exercise the leniency of waiting 72 (or is it 79?) minutes after you eat to bentch; because then I'll forget altogether.

Like many observant Jews (I guess) I don't talk a lot about the things I do and/or why I do them. I definitely don't get into theological discussions (although once I was very tempted to do so when a Catholic co-worker stated that she believes that the majority of Xtians today are genetic decendants of Abraham Aveinu). Needless to say, you soon start looking like a "nut"; touching mezuzot, bentching, not touching the opposite sex, not digging into the cake someone baked. But I have been simply amazed at how respectful and gracious my co-workers have been. Everyone knows that my door is always open, no matter what, and that if it's shut, then I'm davening and not even the receptionist will do as much as transfer a call my way.

On the inside I struggle a bit; between wanting to...no needing to voice gratitude to the Creator for the miracle of life and living and his marvelous creation, and making others feel bad for not being as devout. How much I wish I could give out a handbook which basically states, "Jews have this obligation, but others do not - please don't feel bad!". Obviously saying such is not the most considerate thing, so I remain tacit unless asked directly. I keep failing to remember that I myself did not feel bad when I saw my cousin silently engaging in blessings before eating. That was 5 years ago. I know I did not feel that then; but the person I am now can not re-create that reaction. Now if I don't take the opportunity to say a bracha I feel like a child feels when he steals from the cookie jar. Welcome to the world of Torah observance: a keen sense of your actions and the cause and effect thereof. It really is an amazing way to experience life!

* - as suggested in Rabbi Fuch's, shlita sefer, Halichos Bas Yisrael.
** - this was a poskin from my Rabbi; may or may not be suggested in the case of others!