Homosexuality ~ Discrimination vs. Disagreement

I was compelled into this topic by - surprise, surprise - The Academy Awards (where it was defintely "flaming liberal" night!); where Brokeback Mountain was nominated for several awards and won "best director". When Mr. Lee stated that the love of thhe characters was, "...denied by society...", I sort of took notice.

To the chagrin of my liberal counterparts, I have never really given support to the "homosexual cause". As I write this however, I realize that only a small portion (if any) of the folks that stumble across this blog are actually homosexual themselves. Neverless, realize that I could never condone any sort of behavior which embarrasses, humiliates, or causes a negative stigma to be applied - short of outright acceptance. So I hope that at least can be understood.

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Homosexuality is forbidden to be acted out by the Torah; especially in reference to men engaging in the act of sodomy. However, the ideal existence of an adult (Jewish or non-Jewish) is to be paired with the opposite gender for procreation. Debates on this? It's already been covered on AskMoses.com! Now I'm sure this is quite disconcerting to many people; just like it is disconcerting to me that the Klu Klux Klan believes that "White X-tians" are superior to - well everyone else (and why does their website look like it was designed by a 12-year old?). I mean, any homosexual has their "spiritual take" and mesh their lifestyle with that spirituality (where if there is none - than the "spirituality" is atheist/agnostic - but it's still there). If you are homosexual and have some mode of spirituality outside of Torah observant Judaism, then I suppose it's all just an "F.Y.I."

For observant Jews, the story is a little diffferent (oh and for the homosexual frum Jews - well, that becomes a tough battle of will over heart - in that Judaism does not condemn the state of being gay, but acting on it). The Noahide Laws ,which apply to the ger toshavim who believe in the divinity of the Torah, outlines to also not engage in homosexual acts. The bad news is that it is necessary that more gentiles are drawn to the Noahide Laws for the ultimate redemption (not to start it - but part of the process). The good news is that some say that a Beis Din must officially make someone a Noahide, so those who haven't taken that step are not accountable; also you have some outreach which is being done. Therefore, it seems that an observant Jew cannot advocate homosexuality committed by a non-Jew any more than they can advocate murder committed by a non-Jew.

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I think a very, very difficult thing for people who are new to Torah observant living is seperating the ideals and standards of the secular society and the ideals and standards of the divine Torah from HaKadosh Baruch Hu. I mean it's very difficult. As a woman, one of the "biggies" on contrasting this is the issue of tznius. Countless times daily, modern woman is bombarded with the image of what beauty is, of what femininity is - which are practically opposite from the ideal the Torah gives. And yet, frum women get drawn into it. Shabbos lipstick? I mean, I understand; I don't label a frum woman as a "bad Jew" is she uses Shabbos lipstick. As a woman I know, even though I hardly use it, make-up can be addictive. Spending $30 on a tube of lipstick can only be described as something not quite natural. But the Torah makes a point of teaching that it is the neshama - the internal that "molds" the outside - not vice-versa. Actually, I'm sure if you ask most people this; even those who aren't religious at all, they will ultimately admit that even the most physically beautiful person can be tainted by an ugly personality. Yet this message is still hard to swallow. Don't think so? How many frum girls are struggling to keep their size 6 figure for the sake of shiddichum?

Back to what Mr. Ang Lee said about that four-letter word: love. What is it? If it is some sort of emotional elemental necessity to existence - like air is to the body; perhaps it would sit a little better [with me] that we all have a right to "love who we want to love". But (and I hate to sound callous here), it's not. It is perfectly possible to live and go through life without loving any other human being, having another human being love you, and certainly being "in love". The quality of that life may vary - but that is very subjective. Leaving alone the familial and platonic loves - and only focusing on romantic love, at first you may think it is a crime to deny someone of such a thing. But then let's look at reality. Just how common is "romantic love" in it's "Hollywood definition" at least? How often does it really manifest itself? Well let's see - I'll start with my own family. Both parents are divorced - so they are out of the running. One set of Grandparents were estranged at death; the other set has been married for 45+ years (and still going strong). Yet it wasn't very "Hollywood-like" in the beginning; although both were from the same ethnic/cultural/societal background, my Grandfather was a divorcee and my Grandmother didn't take to her in-laws too well; although she quickly found out that her husband's family was very tight-knit and that was that. Fortunately, she's the type to just accept far less-than ideal circumstances in the name of shalom bayis; if not, I probably would not be here.

Furthermore, I look at myself; I've never been in a romantic relationship. Sure I've had boyfriends. I've had moments of infatuation, lust, admiration, mutual compassion, and companionship. Would I have ever trusted any off my "exes" with all my secrets, my life, my destiny? No way! Are there same-sex couples out there who have felt this and so much more? Absolutely, without a doubt. But at the risk of sounding like a spoiled sport - you don't necessarily have "a right" to such. Just like I don't have "a right" to bemoan not ever having had such a relationship. It is enough that the Creator put me here into existence to enjoy his creaton and do what I can to contribute. I fully recognize that romantic love is one off those "special things" that really has no true equivilant for those who have found ultimate fulfillment in it. Sort of like becoming rich. I'm sure it's a glorious feeling to know that you have an endless supply of money; but I am not jealous (98% of the time at least) of you - and I recognise your feelings of fulfillment.

I will also admit that I am not romantically involved (nor have really been in the past) because of a decision I made on my own - consious at some times, but subconsiously during others. This basically means that I somehow knew, even if it was a teenie tiny voice inside, that I was not "ready yet". I'm not going to fib and say I didn't meet "Mr. Right" because I think I did; a couple times. Handsome, kind, financially secure, caring and....ehem....'physically skilled'. Now perhaps I'm deluding myself - but I do not think I have some sort of problem, nor do I think I am atypically callous. I do not have "strong" willpower either (G-d help me if I ever need to go on a diet!). I have a completely strong and natural attraction to men. Similarly, if I had the same disposition towards women, I would still be embracing the single, celibate life.

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But since this blog is about my musings as a convert; I guess I should "go there" for the sake of being relevant. It is not permitted for a Jew and a non-Jew to engage in any sort of intimacy. In my personal case, that just as well should mean "everyone" since non-Jewish men see me as being undescribally odd (even if they didn't, pre-maritial sex is just not on my radar right now). Not that the issue totally disappears after I, IY"H, convert since a convert is not permitted to marry a Cohen. That's just halacha. It is sort of an "unspoken" opinion that " convert" is not a characteristic that is filed over on the "positive features" side of the column when going into the world of shidduchim.

Somehow, I don't see my situation being all that far removed; albeit different, from that of a homosexual. No one else comes into my bedroom at night. What there is only between me, that other person, and Hashem. The same for the homosexual. But for me to go out and parade in public flaunting a relationship which I know good and well is assur; and then bemoan the Jewish community for antagonization? What about my rights to love? What about my happiness?

The arguments can come out that homosexuality is an inclination predisposed by nature. Some people also say that about Judaism (in that some converts feel they were born with a "Jewish soul"). For me, the jury is still out - on both cases, however as "pre-disposed" as I may feel towards Judaism, I could still turn my back on it on an instant. I choose to do the "extra effort" and cover up my collarbone; just like my gay co-worker choose to cut his hair into a faux-hawk.

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Speaking from the standpoint of an American minority, I truly feel for those who are deterred from living their dream; especially if your only dream is to be loved. But dreams are not garunteed - and many are just desires that were just never meant to come to fruitition. More importantly is to identity what kind of "love" we are looking for. Is it physical? Is it for security? Is it a partnership? Is it an emotional band-aid? Not that any reason is any more valid than the other; however forced acceptance of your love by the government, religious authorities, or your peers should not be near the top. Rather your choice is viewed favorably by Hashem is something that you'll just have to "wait and see" on; it will be weighed in equally along with the 6 other commandments if you are non-Jewish, and 612 if you are a Jew. May we all strive towards achieving a little more each day.