Smiras H'Lashon (an acknowledgement)

Sometime (all the time?) when I fire up my laptop to either blog, post to forums, or send messages on a list-serve, I am venting. Or on a soapbox, or however it should be referred to. In spite of this, I am not a natural complainer. I am, however, a bit of an alarmist (ok, I think I just made that word up) and see things all the time that concern me. Things like false information, humanistic apathy, blatant ignorance, and cruel intentions are things that I tend to "call out" -- not because I want to make anyone feel bad, or, G-d forbid, paint anyone in a bad light -- but rather because I feel that silence is a way of condoning such behavior.

I realize that this can be the wrong approach; and you learn how to pick your battles.

Since it is Elul, I am trying to make an effort to make some sort of cheshbon h'nefesh -- no matter how discouraging it may be. I saw this on Chesed Club (which is a great, South Florida-based website) a few days ago; and it is certainly worth spreading around...

TEN RULES OF SHMIRAS HALOSHON

Loshon Hora means the making of a derogatory or damaging remark to someone. The Torah forbids one to denigrate the behavior or character of a person or to make any remark that might cause physical, psychological or financial harm.

HERE ARE TEN BASIC RULES TO REMEMBER:

1. It is LOSHON HORA to convey a derogatory image of someone even if that is tre and deserved. (False derogatory statements are called MOITZI-SHEM-RA)
2. A statement which is not actually derogatory but can ultimately cause someone physical, financial, or emotional harm is also LOSHON HORA.
3. It is LOSHON HORA to humorously recount an incident that contains embarrassing or damaging information about a person even if there is not the slightest intent that they should suffer any harm or humiliation.
4. LOSHON HORA is forbidden even when you incriminate yourself as well.
5. LOSHON HORA cannot be communicated in any way, shape, or form (i.e; through writing, body language, verbal hints, etc.).
6. To speak against a community as a whole is a particularly severe offense. Harmful remarks about children are also LOSHON HORA.
7. LOSHON HORA cannot be relayed even to close relatives; including one's spouse.
8. Even if the listener has previously heard the derogatory account or the information has become public knowledge and the subject will suffer no further harm by its repetition, it nevertheless should not be repeated.
9. R’CHILUS, which is telling one person derogatory statements that another person said about them, is forbidden because it causes animosity between people.
10. It is forbidden to listen to LOSHON HORA or R’CHILUS. If someone inadvertently hears LOSHON HORA, it is forbidden to believe that it is true. One should give the person the benefit of the dougt. Assume the information is inaccurate or that the person does not realize they are doing something wrong.

NOTE: There are Ttimes when LOSHON HORA is permitted or even required, i.e; when warning a person about potential har, for example, a potential business or marriage partner. The questions of when you are allowed or even required to speak LOSHON HORA are complicated. A RABBINIC AUTHORITY WITH EXPERTISE IN THE FIELD OF SHMIRAS HALOSHON SHOULD BE CONSULTED IN ANY OF THESE CASES.

In an effort to personally come to a sort of reckoning in regards to this issue; I apologize to any person, or any community of whom I spoke bad about. Furthermore, I truly hope that any communications produced on my behalf have or will not cause feelings of hurt or ill will towards the Orthodox Jewish community. That would just kill me inside, and completely work against what I am personally striving towards. That goal is to accurately highlight Torah observant Judaism from my perspective. And that perspective is a positive one; for if it were not, I would not be sticking with it.

Well I had a weekly goal to try to go to sleep before midnight one night during the week; and tonight may just be that time. Laila tov :-)