People of the Book

Well, it has been a bit longer than a week since I received my Bachelor's degree. To my surprise, the feeling is completely different from when I received my Associate's degree. And even though I held jobs in the past that normally would employ 4-year college graduates, there is a difference between having to convince someone that you are qualified and have some sort of verifiable proof that you are qualified. Maybe it's also a different feeling because I have a job landed (B"H) and I also got accepted into a graduate school program. Now only a handful of people in my family graduated from college and even fewer attempted graduate school. So this is a real milestone for not only me, but my family as well.

I went into this past Shabbos with those warm fuzzy feelings of accomplishment and having good news to share. While it is true that nothing really changed about that, there was a conversation over shalosh suedas about shidduchim. Yes, the topic that when people talk about, they rarely are singing its praises (for better or for worse). The mainstay of the conversation focused around abuse; and how important it is to have the people involved in shidduchim divuldge any information that may highlight issues with anger management, mental instability, and dysfunction in the family. As the conversation went on, I mused about the women who find themselves in abusive marriages. Why do they think so lowly of themselves to put up with it? Is being married more important than the safety of you or your children?

So how does this relate to being a female college graduate? Well, a comment was made to me that intelligent, successful women can be intimidating to a man. This is not just in the frum community; but it is especially a noticeable issue in the frum community. I laughed and said that this is just what I would want to be hearing right before getting ready to enroll in graduate school. However I feel that these people (who are my friends) are looking to give me an accurate portrayal of the frum world; before my entire destiny is intertwined with it. They want to make sure I realize what I am getting into. But what they don't realize is that the seed to pursue education was implanted into me long before the seed that started my growth towards Judaism. It just has not be a very steady, progressive path; unlike my experience with Judaism.

Very early on I learned that the Jews are "The People of the Book". And it is no secret that most American Jewish families are big proponents of higher education. Couple that education with an incredibly entreprenueral spirit and you have quite a few successful Jews who have funded the foundation of our present day Jewish communities. However in the frum community, the rules seem to change a bit for women. Not that frum women are not encouraged to go to college. But they do usually limit their majors and focus on future professions that pay well; but are flexible and can be done part-time if needed. Now from a practicial standpoint, this makes perfect sense. However from a social standpoint, it causes an issue for women who have chosen a different path. I actually asked on a list-serv of frum women if there were any MBAs there (in order to sniff out a mentor). I believe their was only one.

I can only imagine what other single women who desire to convert [to Orthodox Judaism] do in order to reconcile their professional life/career with their newfound lifestyle. In the beginning, I was lucky in that I worked for a frum company; because G-d knows, I was not at a point professionally where I would have been able to negotiate the drastic changes a frum lifestyle demands. B"H, my new job has great hours and is generous with personal time off. But I do need to be "on" and be there through thick and thin. When I am in the office, I do an awesome job because it is all I need to think about, all I need to worry about. How it would work if I had children or anyone else to be concerned about I really do not know. But I took the position based off of how my current life is and what I am -- not the "what-ifs" of the future.

It really makes me ponder how or if things will change once I earn my MBA (bezras Hashem)? I actually like working in higher education; but those jobs are not a dime a dozen and can often times be in locals far away from Jewish communities. Also there is no shame in being a stay at home mother, but when you have an education that cost almost $100K, is that still feasible? Still overall, I feel better today about my ability to support a Torah observant life than I did 5 years ago. If anything, I feel as if I'm in a position to assert myself professionally and say, "Hey, this is how I will work and these are my terms." What I have to offer now is a 'take it or leave it' sort of deal.