Last erev Shabbos, I had an short babysitting stint with my 2 year old cousin. He is a good very boy, and I only needed to watch him for two hours. So I decided that we would watch a movie together (while we shared animal crackers). I opted for The Pursuit of Happyness which I had never seen before and I thought was really good. It was a reminder to me that you need to stay committed to things -- keep your "eye on the prize" so to speak. Even when everything and everyone seems to be against you.
Facebook has this odd feature where if one of your friends is not active enough, it prompts you to 'reconnect' with them. It just randomly shows people and it is there every day, so I do not know what prompted me to click on the suggested person today. Maybe it was because he was also an aspiring Jew-to-be and he seemed to be pretty quite lately. I knew that he went to Israel earlier this year...so maybe he returned? I was shocked to discover [by going to his profile page] that he had committed suicide several months ago. It was not easy to discern this by scanning the pages and pages of "I'll miss you" comments on his wall. But every once in a while someone would update the status of the investigation where it was finally ruled as a suicide. As I removed him from my friend's list I really had to wonder. I did not expect him to write about his feelings on Facebook to help reveal what was going with him. But you could see that he posted several Jewish links and discussions about 2 days before the "I'll miss you...R.I.P." comments started. Hundreds of them probably. Yet in his life, his desire to become a halachaic Jew made him a loner. It put him in a tough position. He was removed from the Jewish community, yet still trying to observe the mitzvot. He traveled to Israel and even feel in love, but had to return the the U.S. and 'boom!' it was over (the romance too). Now I have the slightest clue as to what drove him to take his life; it could be some other thing completely. Yet all these comments left after he was deceased....just seemed to be amiss.
Why are we motivated to reach out and share feelings of connection after someone has passed away? Did this young man know that he was so loved -- well loved enough to have all of these comments left on his wall? Did he feel that he had anyone to turn to? Did he feel like he was a part of something?
I have never felt suicidal, B"H, but I do often feel as if I am living in a bubble; in an 'untouchable/invisible' state. However something will then happen to remind me that this is not the case. My regular Shabbos hosts told me last night that they would be away for Shabbos. Ok, so I figured it may be a good time to go away for Shabbos. Well the next morning, I actually was called by someone who simply heard that my regular hosts would be out of town and that I should come by them. They were thinking about me...and they acted before I did (I did email a neighboring Rav about accommodations - he and his kehilla also responded, it was wonderful). This is how it should be...yes, let us reach out to each other now. Why wait until one of the parties is dead? When they have no chance or hope to respond and interact with you. That is the great blessing of being alive; sharing with others.
In a seemingly unrelated topic, I heard tonight that Tiger Woods was caught cheating on his wife. I remember when I first saw his wife, I thought she was amazingly gorgeous. That and she did not conduct herself like a floozy it seemed. However Tiger still did not remain faithful. He continued to have roving eyes. Why is this? Tiger, do you realize how many of us would love to even have the bracha of one day meeting our life mates? Did he think of the people around him? Not the ones that would write on his wall if he were dead, but the ones he can confide in...feel secure with?
I think so many people are lost. They do not know what drives their life. They do not know or have good friends. They question if whether or not their life has any point at all. I am eternally thankful that the daily routine of an Orthodox Jew helps to keep things in perspective; if not via the tefillot, but also by the frum community.
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oh?
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