There's a war going down between my brothers tonight,I don't want no war going down, going down tonight.
Stop this war
Stop this war....
All so different yeah, I say we're all the same
All caught, you know, in the division game.
Self destruction fast impending like a bullet.
No one can stop it, once it's fired, no one can control it... (from Operation Ivy's "Unity")
There are so many issues that grab my attention in day-to-day living. However, one has come up a lot recently. Reading stories in the Florida Jewish News about Israelis rioting against their neighbors because the children wear knitted kippot, this Abramhoff guy, and discussions on e-mail lists about the Rosh Yeshiva in Lakewood going off the deep end. It all comes back to unity. I think I said before that while these situations are few and far between, as a newcomer to Judaism, these situations are distressing.
On Motzei Shabbos Shemos, Rabbi Y. Reisman spoke about "emulating Hashem". One of the keys is that when someone wrongs you, do not only resist holding a grudge, but stick your neck out to help that person. He gave the example of when a Yid eats treif, Hashem does not turn his back on him from that time on (not that this is encouragement to eat treif, he is just saying...). If anything, when you have been wronged, and embarrassed; you should see it as an opportunity to do chessed and a mitzvah. If only I had heard this only 24 hours prior...
Last Shabbos, there were two instances where I just could not wrap my mind around things that were being said to me. This past Shabbos, I had to step out of my regular routine. I usually get showered and dressed, then bentch licht, and head straight for shul. But I was running late, so I bentch licht first, then got dressed, and decided to go to the shul next door (not my regular shul) to catch the tail end of davening.
This shul had an oneg Shabbat lecture. I usually forgo these things, but since I was doing dinner solo, I thought it might be nice to attend instead of just heading straight to bed. While waiting for the lecture to begin, this man comes up to me, and right after saying "Hello," progresses to ask, "Are you Jewish?". For a minute, I thought this man was going to ask me to leave or something, but I read surprise more than sterness in his expression, and felt better when he decided to sit and address me. I did not lie; I explained that I have not converted yet, and I usually attend the shul a couple blocks away. After a bit of small-talk, he again went into non-comfortable territory by saying, "Wow, I don't believe I'm talking to a Black woman who knows so much about Judaism!"
The next afternoon, after walking home from a lunch invation, a woman greeted me with a "Good Shabbos" and paused for conversation. She asked if I was new to the community and where I lived. Although it took 2 minutes longer, she also asked 'those' sort of questions, "Did your family convert? Are you doing this all by yourself". I told her I've lived on my own for a while, and yes, I was converting 'by myself'. She then proceeded to lament, "Oh your family must be beside themselves! I mean you were born Black, and now you are making yourself Jewish too! People will hold two strikes against you. It is going to be very difficult for you!" This time however, I was in a position to counter. I told her, "Anyone who finds a problem with me on the basis of race or religion is doing themself more of a disservice than they are doing to me. Hashem sees our neshamot first and foremost. Hashem knows my intentions and I do what makes me the happiest. What anyone else feels really has no significance." Her response was, "Well as long as you are happy. Stay happy."
Both of these individuals were 50+; although I don't know if that is an indicator of anything in that younger Jews could harbor the same thoughts, but just not have the chutzpah to voice them. Now in both of these situations, I was not upset or offended. Such comments truly seem silly in my eyes. However, my feelings aside, I am worried for the future and priorities within the Orthodox Jewish community. For example, it's like taking a tiny army who is struggling and fighting for survival; here comes an "outsider" to join their ranks. This outsider is a supreme marksman, but is short and obese. Instead of heralding the gains, you bemoan the "handicap" which, in the larger picture, is really insignificant.
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Rabbi Horowitz wrote a very interesting piece on how some obviously non-frum youth went up to a tzadik for a bracha. Now these are boys who have the piercings, the spiky hair, the hands-on-the-head-because-we-have-no-kippa type. The Rebbe freely blessed them and kissed them. Ok, so I guess that is why he is a tzaddik. But really, can expectations of Klal Yisrael be so low? As a frum Jew, no one is asking that you do backflips on a balance beam. Just hold some consideration for those who happen to exist outside the bubble of your Jewish community.
Of course there is the very real danger of endorsing blatantly goyishe behavior, and to instill pride and a feeling of distinction among Jewish youth. There is also the very real problem of converts who are not kabbalot al mitzvot, but who have made their conversion to Judaism a sham for all involved. But the "fear instinct" should not govern our actions when it comes to dealing with differences. I mean the problem is still there, you don't have to ignore, but you have to behave correctly regardless. For example, everytime you pull out of your driveway in your car, there is the very real danger that your brakes will fail, and that will be the end of life as you know it. Now, you are not naive, you put your seatbelt on, and do maintenance on your vehicle, etc. But the thoughts of the worst are not on your mind as you turn that ignition key.
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In another post, I will write more about the whole "Chosen People" notion, but for now I will say that the "Choseness" is linked to the Torah. The Torah makes it quite clear that the gift of speech given to man by Hashem is our "special connection" to the divine. It is also a huge responsibility. This includes, but goes beyond lashon hara. Speech is the fondation for human emotions and relationships. When you look at animals, they get turned on to their mates by sniffing them. I can't tell you the last time I smelled a guy, and decided I wanted him to be my life partner right then and there. Likewise, when you speak to another person, you can't use words carelessly. You must consider, "What will I be saying implicitly and subliminally? How do my words portray me and my geniune thoughts of this person?". These thoughts should not only come up when speaking to a fellow Jew, but in every instance and relationship a frum Jew encounters.
The Most Famous Ramban in Chumash – The End of Parshas Bo
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The Ramban at the end of Bo is a classic work on Jewish philosophy and
probably the most quoted Ramban in Chumash. It’s well worth seeing inside.
Here’s ...
3 months ago
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5 comments:
As for people being amazed that you are both Black and converting to Judaism - I can't tell you how much that annoys me.
Back in the day, wqhen people used to ask me, "Oy, don't you have enough problems being Blkack, you have to be Jewish, too? Oy vey." I would answer: "There is nothing that people would do to me here for being Jewish that they already wouldn't do to me for being Black." This shut people up quickly enough most of teh time.
I have since learned that anti-Semitism IS of a different character than racism. You won't get beaten up for being a Jew, but it can, for instance, depending on how religious you are, have implications on one's employment situation. The more religious you are, the more shit you will get from people UNLESS you work in a profession or company with many other observant Jews (I wrote a post about it ion my blog called "Mi HaElokim?" after the Chagim in about mid November or so).
Looking around, you will likely find that most Orthodox Jews are in things like law, medicine or finance, are in business for themselves or are relatrively poor. Those in law or finance will often be working in relatively tolerant firms or firms with a large Jewish presence (i.e., where the whole firm or a large group within it stop to daven mincha after lunch. This might be a New York thing, though). One woman I know told me that her company tried to force 5 Jews to come in to work on Yom Kippur for a "mandatory meeting". I didn't know people could do that.
Anyway, truth be told, nowadays, when people ask me HOW I am Jewish, sometimes I simply lie and say that my family has been Jewish for generations. I make up a great story about the Jewish community of teh Caribbean (my mother's side of teh family is from the Virgin Islans. There is a very old shul and coimmunity there). The story is based on the real story oif guy I knew in Israel who was from Suriname. They won't usually ask for "proof" after that. The fact that I have full Israeli citizenship, with a Teudat Zehut (ID card) that says I am Jewish, also helps.
This constant need to "prove" I am Jewish is another one of the thinsg that distances me from the Orthodox world.
Nowadays, I get shock and amazement for my being Jewish mostly from other Black people. They literally pop their eyes open with shock. They can't berlieve that Blavck peopel can be other than Christian or maybe Muslim. I initially moved to Israel in part because I though it would be easier to be a Jew of color there. In some ways I was right, biut the fact is that the American Jewish community (especially outside the Orthodox world) is catching up. I came for a visit in 1999 and went to random shuls where I saw at least 1 Asian woman, and maybe another Black woman or man. This past shabbes, the minyan I went to in Harlem was hosted by a (perhaps half) Japanese Jewish woman and a couple of her other friends, also Asian women, also seemed to be Jewish. At another minyan I go to downtown there is another Black woman. A couple weeks ago a Black man with a kippa randomly sat a couple seats away from me at a Starbucks/Barnes and Noble in the Village. Maybe a month ago I was walking thropugh Chelsea and saw a an Asian guy with a standard kintted kippa on (granted, he was sitting in a restaurant and while we also go to reataurants after shul we don't do it while rearing things that Identify us as religious Jerws. He might have been Reform or left wing Conservative or something).
I have recently been reflecting on the idea of Jewish tribal affiliation. Early on, Isaw Judaism as say 90% religion and 10% ethnic. As I was not Eastern European I thought "cultural Jewishness" was bogus and not an option. Being in Israel was really an edication in Jewish tribal nationalism - in a good way. Conversion to Judaism is more than just accepting a religion and performing mitzvot. It is becoming part of a tribe, making its allies your allies and its enemies your enemies. In my opinion, it takes years of expereience to acquire this. I would say that it starts with teh religious aspect but it goes beyond that as well. This is why even a Jew who sins by not keeping kosher, for instance, or even converts to another religion, is still Jewish, and this is why conversions cannot be reversed (according to thousands of years of precedent).
If I were to meet you, I suspect I would ask the same questions, albeit using more tact.
It happens to be a rare sight, a Jew that is black. While color has nothing to do with the religion, as far as I know most Jews are happen to be white. So it’s mostly the surprise element that talks when posing these indiscrete questions.
I wonder if you will disclose your reasons for choosing to convert in a future post, or if you have already please give me the link tot he post; I find these stories quite fascinating.
Treif - thanks for your comments - insightful as always!
Prag - I haven't posted the "whys" of my choice to convert. I will in the future, IY'H. It will probably be two posts - one outlying my Reform conversion, and the second outlining my move towards Orthodoxy...
I can only slightly understand the argument of someone being surprised when they see a Black Jew. In a time when family situation run the gamut - from adoption, to intermarriage among secular Jews, to Jews from remote lands becoming more visable, I think the whole "Jewish look" myth stands as a dusty old nick-nack.
Now I am not as naive to think that stereotypes fade away overnight; but I just don't see the fondation for the idea that most Jews are burnettes with wavy hair and 'distinctive' noses - when we are constantly presented with images to the contrary. For example, I know of Jews who have blonde hair and blue eyes - quite a few of them. I don't assume they converted. However, I know of some of these blonde Jews that their Jewishness get questioned all the time. I have another good friend who is Israeli from Yemenite and Egyptian background. Her husband is Black; and their children also look Black (by the American standard of what Black people look like - coffee-colored skin, soft puffy hair, full lips), but they are full halachaic Jews.
I have no problem if someone is curious as to what my experiences and how I got to where I am; but to ask within the first 2 minutes of meeting? I mean if I were Italian, you would never know I was I convert. When I get up in the morning it is just not on my mind that my skin color is _____ , therefore I just can't do ______ .
I think it is so sad that you have Jews who are Orthodox and keep the majority of the mitzvot meticulously, get shaken up when they see another Jew who doesn't have a physical resemblence to them and their family. Nevermind the fact that the other Jew also davens in Hebrew, eats kosher, is comitted to giving their children a Jewish education, struggles to find tzinus clothing for the women of the house. In this day and age especially, we should be eager to help all of Am Yisrael and push the superficial differences should be pushed aside for a rainy day.
Excellent reply, indeed it's the commitment and sincerity that should count much more than outside appearances, that's why I imagine, like Ahuva Gray wrote in her book, you made lots of friends after the surprise element moved to the background.
And thank you for your honesty and insight. The more dialogue that is exchanged, the less misunderstandings (on both sides) can occur. I think it so cool that these exchanges can happen on a medium which is less pretentious than real life can be. We get these precious opportunities to interact with Jews from other communities on very condusive territory (the Internet). Just one small step to eradicate sinas chinum and help usher in Moshiach and the rebuilding of the 3rd Beis Hamikdash. Very exciting.
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