Yerushalayim Shel Zahav

In early June, B'ezras Hashem, I will be heading to Eretz Yisrael for the first time in my life; courtesy of the Taglit-Birthright Israel program. It's interesting, because I have known about Birthright for years. While I was Reform, I had no desire to go to Israel anytime soon. Sure I would have like to have seen it; one day. Since becoming acquainted with Torah observant Judaism, my viewpoint changed; albeight not immediately. You see I knew Israelis here in the States. The jet-setter, trendy, super-ambitious/entrepreneurial type. But here I am, learning and living with frume Yidden who seem worlds apart from the club-hopping Israelis that frequent South Beach. How can these divergent people be 'hooked' by the same place?

Of course with exposure, I learned that Jews run the gamut; moreover, religious Jews run the gamut of appearance and lifestyle. As I covered more ground in my siddur I saw the special connection that Jews have always had with Israel. And if I truly desired to become a Jew, then I would also assume this connection as well.

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Just so that I do not mislead anyone, let me state that I am not a blistry-eyed idealist who needs her bubble broken with an update on the current affairs in the Middle East. What I am guilty of is being hopelessly passionate about my desires; and since I am very human, I sometimes desire what is not good for me. This is when I try to ask Hashem to guide my footsteps, and trust that he knows what is best.

Last night on MSNBC I saw a show on homeless families in a particular area of California. (Now, that is reality TV! Don't let me be a TV exec., because I would run shows like this 24-7!) It may sound incredulous, but I related to them very much. They were doing the best they could under terrible circumstances and with every odd stacked against them. They have no home, and hardly no belongings, but each day they wake up, send their children to school, collect a daily meal (or hopefully two), and try to celebrate the holidays however they can. Very similar to the Jews. Jews may have material possessions, live in houses, be quite well off, etc. But outside of Eretz Yisrael, we are essentially 'homeless'. We are at the mercy of the goyishe leaders and systems we live in. On the other hand, Eretz Yisrael is our house; with some very crankerous neighbors and unpleasant tenants - but it is still the home of the Jews.

Far from being the מלכת קדוש intended for the Jews, the present State of Israel has serious issues with forsaking the Torah and switching it with an ethocentrically-based superiority complex. That what I have gathered from the sources I have at my disposal. I could be very wrong...

For many years, I had the dream to live in Florida. True I could not stand the snow, but I think there was more to it than the weather. It sort of fit my attitude. Sunny, pioneering, a tad-laid back, diverse - I saw Florida as a suit tailored made for my taste. Or maybe a car I would look good in. Was life so bad in Pennsylvania? Well, at the time, I thought it was. Looking bad it still was; but due to my change in perspective I also see the good. But let's see how my honeymoon with Florida started to grow sour.

When I moved down here, it was far from being a new atmosphere. 2 years in college and many trips to see my Father made Florida feel like a second home. Note I said "Florida" and not "Miami" because Miami really is an odd-ball in this state...although not for long probably. While there are many qualities of life that get a nice, big, fat, red check mark; there are others that surpass the norm. Every morning when I leave my home and drive to work I see some of the most beautiful specimens of Hashem's creaton. The sun dancing on the aquamarine blue sea; the colorful foilage; the shiny bristling palm trees; even all of the cute little geckos running around. The moisture in the air makes the land feel like it's alive - breathing - vibrant. Gan Eden couldn't have been too far off from Florida (ok, Florida with really good fans & air circulation!).

In fact, there is nothing at all inherently wrong with Miami. But there is something wrong with the human inhabitants of Miami. And isn't this the case just about, oh, everywhere! When I first moved here almost 4 years ago, I was trying to drink in just what was my "new" culture. I had a handsome, well-paid boyfriend with an accent (he was Yugoslavian), a new job lined up, and a new slate from which to build a social network. The only issue with a 'social network' is that it must include people. My boyfriend had lived in Miami for 8 years already and had gone 'cold turkey' from the South Beach mover & shaker scene because of all the "fake" people involved. In fact, he saw in me a perfect opportunity to engage in a deeper relationship that involved conversation, sightseeing, and sharing talents and loves. But just like the weather can change in an instant here, so did we. My job put me in Plantation, FL and it was a hike to South Beach to come more often than 2 or 3 times. Then my ex-boyfriend met up with some old business acquaintences and starting re-investing in real estate. Back came the office parties that would spill over into nightclubs well into the night. He was a recovering alcoholic and professional schmoozer so it started becoming routine for him to rip through $1,000+ per weekend in the clubs. I only went with him once; and was so uncomfortable I wanted to melt right into the cushy seats in the dark club. Both of us quickly noticed that we were no longer on the same page.

I had been in South Florida for less than a year, but it was only a preview of things to come. Hardly any was very encouraging. Mostly all of it just had to do with the pervasive attitude that it is all about "the self". Yes, it is reflected in the lack of attention given to the fine arts, community/volunteer activities, customer service, etc. It's a tangible quality that I can notice when visiting other places. So while South Florida is definitely not all bad; it's feels very much like a sojourn...

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Hmmm...where was I? I guess I was just rambling a bit. Perhaps it's just another aspect of learning what it means to be a Jew; to be eternally nagged by the fact that as long as you are outside of Eretz Yisrael, you are never really home...