Some things never really get easier

This afternoon I called our new Rabbi for my first shailah. Every Rabbi is different both in how he likes you to phrase the question and also how they answer. Some will wait patiently while you ramble and ramble (and ramble); and then glean out the important parts for you. Others will actively interrupt you to get the important details as you go along. I actually like the second approach better, because sometimes their patience silence makes me think I am leaving out something they need to know.

Anyway, my problem was that I was invited to a meal for the second day of Rosh Hashana by a woman who had just met me. Now her husband was generally familiar with me...and at some point I relayed my situation (because she probably asked). But I do not know if it was before or after the invitation. Although I knew of the problem then; I accepted the invitation because 1) I did not want to get in a halachaic discussion then and there -- especially since I didn't have a solution anyway and 2) I knew there was a way I could work around it, and she may not even know there was an issue.

So I asked the Rabbi what should I/could I do to prevent this woman from committing an aveirah. After taking some time to look into it, he suggested that I come before yontif to "take ownership" of the food I will be consuming; then if she cooks the food on yontif, "assist" in the cooking of "my food". Got it.

So after class, my phone rings...and it's a mysterious "private call". I came close to not even answering it...but I have a lot going on with business stuff for the sorority and are sorts of people are calling me right now from universities, so I decided to answer. It was my host for yontif! Great...now I can explain to her about what I need to do. This was far more difficult than posing the question to the Rabbi in the first place; however it sort of caught me off guard.

After talking a bit about directions and small talk, I brought up what I needed to do. She patiently listened to what I described...but did not really get the jist of what I was saying. I mean her reaction was kind of quaint; but it still put me into an awkward position. The following (paraphrased) ensued:

She: "But I thought you said you had a Reform conversion in FL?"
Me: "Oh I did"
She: "And it's documented?"
Me: "Yep"
She: "Then you are Jewish. Why do you need to do all of this?"
Me: "Well Reform conversions are not up to the standard that the Orthodox feel are acceptable...and I am fine with that, it is ok. So the Rabbi suggested that this is what I do."
She: "Well maybe he misunderstood you. Does he know about your Reform conversion?"
Me: "Uhhh.....mmmmmm...."
She: "Well if he knew, I'm sure everything would be fine..."
Me: "......"
She: "I mean Mr. ___ and his wife is going to be there. She is a gentile. She always eats at my house."
Me: {Oh boy}
Me: "No it's just the yom tovim that pose a problem..."
She: "Well I want you to be comfortable; so that's fine. I am totally kosher; my husband makes sure to that. And we all have our different customs. So please, you are welcome to come over any times and say your prayers that you need to say."
Me:?
Me: "Ok. Please, I am so thankful that you invited me; it is just a small thing...and in no way am I implying that I am not ok with joining you for a meal."
She: "Ok good. I still think it was pretty bold for the Rabbi to call you and tell you to do this."
Me: {uh-oh}
Me: "Oh no, no! I called him. I know about these issues, believe me."
She: "Oh ok. Well you shouldn't feel so bad. I mean G-d made all of us and loves all of us. I want you to be totally comfortable in my home..."

(and it when on for some more, but that was the recurring theme of our conversation basically)

This situation actually pains me; not because I have to set myself apart (I can deal with that)...but because I manage to both make people who are trying to be genuinely nice uncomfortable, and I am also spotlighting their unfamiliarity with halacha. Not that Jews should be intimately familiar with this halachot anyway; but it is very hard to convey that. Nonetheless I do it; because I am not going to be responsible for a Jew committing an aveirah (if I can possibly help it). Especially when the HKBH knows I know better.

But then again I would rather deal with this, than with a community filled with uber-shtark yidden who are afraid to get too friendly with "ex-whatevers". I am also very thankful for a Rabbi who is careful, mindful and patient -- which are always good signs.