Traveling While Almost Jewish

Ok, I'm a little late on this because I have been extremely busy my first week back to FL. I want to give publicize the fact that Pittsburgh's Jewish community in Squirrel Hill; specifically the Shaare Torah Congregation, was a stellar community in which to spend Pesach. It was an experience that was very valuable to my neshama.

Nevertheless, I will probably decline to ever go away for yontif (at least as a single woman in an "open" {a kosher cruise/resort/hotel may be ok} environment) again. You see, for Chol Homoed, I stayed with my family. It was stressful, I had to do a lot of explaining, and for lack of a better way of putting it, I lost my "groove" for the chag. Much of the confusion stems from the fact that while my desire to become Jewish is not a new thing for my family, previously, it did not interfere to much with my home life. You go to church, I go to synagogue. I celebrate Hanukkah while you do X-mas (I would just wrap my gifts in the blue & white Hanukkah paper and give them earlier/later). But now it's a whole new ball game. Last time I went to Pennsylvania was about 17 months ago. A lot has transpired in that time.

May I list "pros" and "cons" that I felt or perceived?

Pros:

1) My Grandparents liked the tznius clothes. Especially my Grandmother, who said "I was taking pride in my appearance (I guess she thought I wasn't do so before???)."

2) I declined my Grandfather's fried delicaces; staving off about 5-10 lbs of weight gain in the process.

3) My demeaner is calmer and my language has improved. Ah, and to think of my college days when my Grandmother would say, "What did you just say?" and I would repeat the phrase sans the mild curse word I had said previously.

4) I hold a lot more respect for my Grandmother's relgiousness and my Grandfather's wisdom/kindness than I did previously.

5) My sisters. They are the only family members who didn't question or raise eyebrows and anything I was doing or any explainations that I made about Judaism. Psstt...Adults, take a hint!. A high-five goes to both of them, ages 10 and 17.

Cons:

1) The food issue. Very, very difficult. I had always been a picky eater, but after 25 years, my Grandmother knows my favorites. But I insisted she didn't make them. She did anyway. And it's hurtful for both her and I in the end.

2) "You're going to Pittsburgh again?" I tried to soften the blow by saying I was staying with friends for the Passover services - that it would just be easier. But they sure didn't like the fact that I didn't answer my cellphone, or swing back over to my hometown when services were over.

3) Expense. No matter how I looked at it, there was going to be a lot of money wasted. Of the 11 days I had the rental car, 5 of them I wasn't able to drive. IF my family had a bigger handle on the situation, then maybe someone could have dropped off/picked up/dropped off to save $$$ for me. But it's hard enough explaining yontif to Jews; much less non-Jews who have also never been around Orthodox Jews ever.

4) Family life-cycle events. During my stay, there was a funeral for a cousin. While I realized I could not go to the church service, I decided to go to the burial. Too bad most people decided to do the reverse and my Mother told me (although she also admitted the church service was long and boring and her thighs hurt from sitting on the pews for so long!). I got some looks; but as also started squirming when they recited "The L-rd's Prayer" (although the words in that prayer are not heretical - it still brought back "the old days"). I wondered if I would ever again be able to attend the life-cycle events in my family again comfortably?

5) Old friends. I ran into a few. They sort of scratched their heads at my long sleeves and skirts. I mean I had moved to Florida, bikini-land, and this is all I owned?

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After the trip I was exhausted and felt a bit forlorn. I couldn't wait to get back to Miami where I could go back to my kosher Thai & sushi, my shirium, and my own house where I know the cooked food is ok to eat. On the other hand, I do miss my family; but I see so much more clearly now that we function in two different realms.

It was during this trip that I realized that Hakadosh Baruch Hu makes everything happen in it's own time. 2 years ago, I would not be ready to "let go"; 1 year ago, I would not have the fortitude to stick to my guns about kashrus. Most of all, I wouldn't have been able to come home as a Jew. To have left there with only revereance to G-d, but with no observance, and to pop in on the scene as "The Cannot Do Girl" would have been too much.

But my story does not have a sitcom ending. My family does not totally understand and only mildly support my endeavors. At least now I have a better idea of what I have to work with; and they can see that my becoming a Jew is not totally "all bad".

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There was another sore spot which I did not mention and warrants it's own post really. That is their general disapproval of my trip to Israel. To my family, Israel is a land of terrorism, deserts and daranged bloodthirsty Arabs. The exeption is my father, my auntie, and my G-dmother.

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Totally unrelated, I haven't had the chance to read any seforim by the Chofetz Chaim, but I really want to work on lashon hara. Really. I want to desist from casually offering criticism of any member or portion of Klal Yisrael. I can be cynical, so this undertaking will be a constant 'work-in-progress'.